Jeremy's web site - archive page III

4/12/2

This page covers the period 7/5/2 to 4/12/2.

This page is about to be archived off, as it is getting too large - it will become available, as past pages, from the menu bar, above

2/12/2

Site stats

A quick look at my stats page (Zero Catch, which, again, disagrees with Bravenet figures) indicates 21 visitors, today, have downloaded 20.45Mb of data (about half the total volume of what's here) from my site. Must have been hit by another class, of some sort, I think!

Total hits to site, since creation, at start of this year: 5176.
Total visitors to site since creation: 3191.

Registering with GPs

Have received an email from Martin Payne, who, if memory serves, is Complaints Manager for Norwich PCT: Letter from Martin Payne. He has invited me to ring one Colin Lakey, on 01603 307 373, of some obscure organisation called 'NHS Eastern Support Services'.
Sadly, I do not have a phone, which is why I spent so much time and money writing to the doctors of Norwich. Furthermore, the local Labour Councillors, and the members of the Residents' Association of Cotman Housing, all seem to be Hell-bent on removing payphones from the area. This seems to reflect the apparent will of today's government to reduce communications (electronic, transport, etc) wherever possible. This is a source of worry to me. I have replied to him, asking for an address to write to.

Have finally fitted new radiant fire to bedroom wall, after getting round to painting the room white (which process messed up my hands, again). The fire has the most enormous cable imaginable for a 1kW device, 10.25mm in diamter, which I have pinned, neatly, to the wall. So, unfortunately, with the lights off, and the fire on, lying in bed, I feel distinctly as though I am lying on top of a tall, articulated lorry, parked almost directly under a sodium vapour street lamp.

In memoriam

Note for any Old Culfordians reading: Charles Frewer and Michael Berry have both died, recently.

30/11/2

MP addresses question of registering with GPs

Got a letter from my MP, re: difficulties in registering with a GP - has contacted Norwich PCT for me. This is much better than no reply at all, and definitely better than a simple 'acknowledged' postcard. Indicates 'hit'. Letter from Rt Hon Charles Clarke, MP.

No more encounters with Meridian East clients, to date. Wonder it they're all alright?

They only answered: 'Little liar!'

Had a chat with firemen, the other day. Gave them some boil-in-the-bag handwarmers for cold nights on the picket line. They told me that, in spite of their readiness to answer life-threatening situations, as they have promised, calls are not being routed to them. In such cases, a person would have to dash up to the station themselves to make contact. They would then be happy to call the call centre, for it to issue them with appropriate instructions.

Poor Matilda!

29/11/2

Meridian East over Plimsoll Line!

Have, as expected, bumped into a client from Meridian East, who has confirmed a few happenings at Meridian East.
Alan Jeffrey (seconded from NHS/NMHC) resigned, last week, apparently because of stress levels.
Bob Ingram (woodwork/electronics/dogsbody supervisor) was made redundant.
Maurice Brown (supervisor, workshop (garage)) made redundant, and the workshop closed.

Client also told me that: 'the whole place is a mess, at the moment', with computers all over the place, the old office disassembled (in some way).
Apparently, Meridian East intends 'to hold open days' to clear stock from Burlingham greenhouses. This is rather optimistic, in my opinion, and also in that of the client I spoke to, as Burlingham Hall is in the middle of nowhere.
With woodwork closed to make room for computers, garden centre closed, mechanics shut, and Burlingham with no realistic outlet, I am rather worried for friends, including members of staff remaining there and clients, some of whom may be halfway through courses!
For staff, it may be approaching a point at which being safely parachuted out is no longer an option, and where there may be a very bumpy landing! Could be a very memorable Christmas for some people, this year!
Email to me, from Rod Gilchrist, at GO-East (see scan of letter from him, below), suggested that GO-East had not been made aware of any company problems. This would not be entirely surprising! Either in general, under such circumstances, or for Meridian East, in particular!
If there are no financial problems, it certainly sounds like the management is questionable!
Am still expecting to bump into two more clients from Meridian East! :)
Anyone wishing to pick up a cheap, modern PC for a song, might wish to address an email to Meridian East. I am assuming the old addresses still serviceable, during period of changeover. Suggest: email norci@norci.org .

Taps looking nice and shiny!

28/11/2

Supplemental...

Have been to see the Ipswich Road Garden Centre. It was not so much shut as open but deserted. No staff or clients around. No evidence of any large quantities of stock, of any kind. Office sheds shut, but not cleared out. Greenhouse open. A few unattended healthy geraniums, some dead geraniums. Most floor and trestle space empty. Couldn't see into shop very well, but appeared to have lost counters and till. Border alongside greenhouse, which might usually have housed bags of fertiliser, compost etc, empty. No sign up, saying: 'Business closed' or such like, but a couple of ordinary 'Closed' signs in window.
Possibly not enough evidence to say, for sure, that it's been shut down, but definitely enough to make any interested party make formal enquiries. Makes you wonder what will become of the ?100,000 greenhouse at Burlingham, for which Ipswich Road was outlet!

Took some photos. Apologies if some are in wrong rotation, but library software not cooperating, today.
NORCI sign on office shed - not changed to 'Meridian East'. Presumably, all too correct in calling venture 'Non-profit making'!
View of office shed, which usually has plants, etc, outside - rather untidy where they ought to be.
Closed signs in window of greenhouse.
Side view of greenhouse, showing empty compost/fertiliser storage area.
Stripped floor of greenhouse.
Geraniums - dead and alive - apparently going free! Trestles in greenhouses in background empty.
Dead geraniums in detail (GHOUL!).

Zip file of all above pics (647kb).

SECURITY BRIEFING...EYES ONLY.../...EYES ONLY.../...EYES ONLY...

A very curious document has turned up in my morning mail!
It is headed 'FBI Update Nov. 2002', and purports to list a number of difficulties being experienced by 'Meridian East' (formerly known as 'NORCI'). It is completely anonymous, and bore no means of tracing. I have attempted to confirm what it says, but have only received denials, so far. However, it will be very easy to check whether the Ipswich Road Garden Centre is, as it suggests, closed. I will check the garden centre today, and will continue to attempt to confirm other matters. Letter to the FBI.
In view of the fact that it is not signed, and that two people have denied any knowledge, and that one of the suggestions sounds too silly to contemplate (not that that would be beyond Meridian East!) I think it would be best to treat the document with considerable suspicion, until such time as any of it is confirmed. Other comments from myself are included with the document.
Never had an anonymous tip-off before! Not even when I was a professional journalist! Rather exciting!
Will dust down tap shoes, in case a grave to dance on presents an opportunity!

25/11/2

..TOP SECRET...TOP SECRET...TOP SECRET...

Have written to a terribly hush-hush establishment to enquire after contracts of national importance. Can't say more, as suspect am being watched!
Suffice to say, said secret establishment has, very kindly, written back to me, regarding possible non-fulfilment of contracts: Letter from GO-East. Naturally, the letter actually says absolutely nothing at all, but, to a highly trained secret agent, such as myself, speaks volumes! We note, in passing, and with no more than a nod towards sadness (for fear of discovery) the 'early retirement' of a former colleague.
DON'T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT ANY OF THIS! - My very life could be at risk!
I have, since, replied, to the said establishment, and, couched similarly in words meaning nothing at all, have, merely, hinted at the, frankly, patently obvious.
Enough said, I think!

Checkpoint 'Charlie'

Checkpoint Charlie, as any historian of intelligence matters can tell you, was widely known, in underground circles, as 'The Eastern Meridian'.
Have attempted to establish whether certain 'contracts' in respect 'Small to Medium-Sized 'Enterprises'' that are the business of 'Charlie' have been fulfilled. Have, therefore, as per standard operational procedure, attempted to verify this on the relevant web site.
Former 'Eastern' bloc records indicate URL to be: www.norci.org.
However, this yields no useful data.
A quick hunt, however, reveals ongoing 'pump-priming' activities at a new address: www.meridian-east.org. However, this URL appears to be 'strongly encrypted', and proofed against standard access procedures.
Possible boomer in the yard! Repeat! Possible boomer in the yard! Break! Break!
Notes to self: Start new dossier. Contact 'log lady'. Put in expenses - new jag should suffice. Ascertain availability of 'safe houses' - preferably somewhere nice and warm and sunny.

Assault

Have checked with police (Agents friendly to 'Jeremy') regarding the matter of assault. Apparently, there is a matter of a four-day 'holiday' on the part of one Agent 'Hobson', so nothing will happen until Friday.

Quick question

At what point did it become profitable to be an artist?

I am sure I have been indoctrinated to understand that art is, historically, a lonely profession, of trials and tribulations, never-ending obstacles and failures.
Perhaps there was a sea-change, at some point in recent history? Perhaps we should attribute this to the Beatles? Or Bill Hailey?
Or was it the Victorians that introduced the cult of the 'celebrity'?

22/11/2

A little abstractly selected piece of 'art', doodled for a friend:

How to spot a story, Part 1

Where those press releases went: Certificates of posting
So far, the only recipients to have had a peek at my web site appear to be the BBC and Eastern Counties Newspapers.

However, the stat counter appears to be doing its nut because of some company called 'pratsoft.co.uk', which appears to have set a machine on my site to check it, repeatedly, at very short intervals. Very odd! Will be contacting my provider to see if this is anything to worry about!
Recent stats readout.
You can check, for yourself, what is happening, by clicking on the counter at the foot of this page.
Use of the URL of 'pratsoft': 194.72.15.11 results in a page that appears to be a firewall, called 'Firebrick Plus'. A search on the web provides confirmation that Firebrick Plus is, indeed, a firewall. The description, rather amusingly, suggests that ordinary hackers' tools will not identify it. Which is rather odd, as all I used to find it was a freebie hit counter! Wonder what's behind the firewall! Could try logging in, I suppose!

Just how much Boots cares

Latest reply from Boots, re: dirty containers: Letter from Boots. As far as I can tell, the Customer Manager is being sarcastic to me, which, to me, at least, seems very odd behaviour for someone in her position.

How to prevent junk mail!

Got a letter back from mailing list company, Consodata, which had supplied dud data to Saga. It lists an address you can contact to try to keep junk mail at bay! Will contact, myself, shortly, and report on effectiveness!
Letter from Consodata.

Went to Argos to see where the replacement parts for my bed had got to, and found two packets waiting for me. One with two parts in - one warped, the other OK. One with a duplicate of one in the first, which I didn't bother to check. So, am now waiting for yet another replacement part until I can begin building my bed. Told them I was now two days late for Celebrity Big Brother, that Channel 4 were hopping mad, and left.

Someone has, for the second time, stubbed a cigarette out on the security spyhole on my door. The first was duly replaced, although screwing a nut and bolt together appeared to be beyond the capability of the maintenance crew, so I had to straighten it myself. Told the caretaker about the second, only to be told that Cotman Housing would not replace one again, so soon. I have no idea why this is. I think it probably comes under a similar heading to 'why buses arrive in threes'. Perhaps they consider this to be my fault? Perhaps they consider it a sign of invulnerability? I wonder whether this is a refusal they offer to, for example, vulnerable young women whose spyholes have been rendered useless?

On the way back home from Argos, the same person who asked me what I was doodling on the tarmac, at 3am, because he was on the way to Tesco, to get something to eat, because he couldn't sleep, like yer do, asked me whether I knew of any paint for painting the cobbles in King Street. I have absolutely no idea what on earth he thought he was asking, or why he was asking me. So, I tried to be as polite as possible until he left. Some people seem to make a habit of asking really stupid questions. Then again, stupidity appears to be a way of life for far too many people, around here! Perhaps I should just try to ignore it?

20/11/2

A little publicity for JK Rowling, creative genius.
POTREL.DOC
GENREL.DOC

Short letter to my MP about finding a doctor.
Letter to MP.
Longer letter (edited, for fairly obvious reasons) to my MP about my neighbourhood in general: Zipped letter to MP. My sincere apologies for using a Zip file. Unfortunately, the ridiculous library's (shurely 'library's ridiculous', ed?) nanny system (Symantec) wouldn't upload this directly as a word file. Absolutely no idea why. However, it is too stupid to be able to cope with Zip files, and happily let it through. This is a pity, as it is just the sort of technique one can expect pornographers, etc, to use when distributing photos! Will, now, go down to the other cybercafe in town and attempt to post an unzipped version for those that don't have Winzip! Longer letter to MP, as Word file, re: my neighbourhood.

Guess what! - I can't!

16/11/2

Fire strike precautions

Anyone living in a tall building worried by the fire strike may wish to build themselves a last-ditch, emergency fire escape ladder: How to make an emergency fire escape ladder. SEE DISCLAIMER IN DOCUMENT!

Today is officially 'Mock an Artist Day'!

Yup! Today is the day when all pre-college students get to laugh at the feeble attempts at creativity exhibited by expensive professional artists across the world!
For my part, I intend to laugh at 'method art'. And, to that end, I have, utterly mechanically, produced some art.
But first, some genuinely creative, lovingly crafted, original, art (and definitely not) method art:
Original poem.
Next, something to compare it to:
A penny for your ode!
Finally, the utterly mechanical method art - warning, this is very silly, very childish, rather smutty and definitely lavatorial!
An ode by mechanical art.
Personally, I think this work is of rather poor quality. But then, that's the whole point, here!

Instant artistic creativity!

A guide to instant originality and creativity in the art world! This, of course, is merely one technique. I'd guess that there must be something of the order of several hundred similar techniques - which, I suppose, you could mix and match:
Nonsense.
The artisitically curious may wish to have a look at the postcard I produced for consumption by my brother in Wales using the same technique. He has lived there for many years, and has a 2:1 degree in English and Drama from the University of Cardiff. He (presumably) talks to local people on a routine basis, as he now works for the BBC, there. Postcard to Wales.

Chatted to the 'SOS' bus and hut crews that hang around clubland, last night. At some point in the past, large amounts of money were made available to buy a bendibus and a hut. These are staffed by Christian groups, including St John Ambulance staff. The St John Ambulance has an ambulance donated by freemasons in every county. Asked them if they believed in demons. Rather surprisingly, one said he did. Asked for stats on what they did. About 400 people visited them in 10 months. Over 100 were taken home. A taxi service for Christians. But not the sort of Christian that is worried about taking money from groups that may hold religious views abhorrent to their own (without knowing, precisely, the details of who, or what, it is that freemasons worship). Expensive bendibus.
Table of visitors over four months.

By the way, my later firework pics weren't too good. It was a slightly cloudy night, and this spoiled them.

I want a 40% increase in my dole money! I shall go on strike! I shall refuse to do the job I don't have! It'll hurt, buster! It'll hurt!

14/11/2

Fire Strike

Some daytime pics:
Firestation, with picket. (- Poor photography makes it looks, rather curiously, as though they are standing in the shadow of an enormous Yorkie!)
Picket, with bivouac. (Yorkie obviously hungry!)
Picket with brazier.

Argos

The letter from Argos, re: predictable dice, etc: Letter from Argos.
Argos has now sent me replacement parts for the central strut - the wrong parts. And, I still appear to be on its files as 'Miss L Rockey', despite having been given an assurance that they had changed it: How to change your name, by Argos.

Boots

Letter to Boots, again, re: 'blooms' on pharmaceutical containers: Letter to Boots.
Web page with pics of blooms: Web page showing pics of blooms on various items - gravity, indeed! For some reason, the system failed to find this page, when called 'blooms.html', but, after 'renaming' the item it could not find 'blooms2.html', it worked fine! ?2,000+ PCs are like that, sometimes!
Or, you can download all nine pics on the page as a Zip file: Zip file of bloom pics. (This will work as soon as you can see this!).

Please excuse oversize pics. Scanning software in Norwich Library is on the blink, again. 8cm pics came out 20cm tall, 4cm, at 8cm, and on web pages, they just look huge! This, too, is what you would expect from top-of-the-range software and hardware.

Me

Took some pics of the backs of my hands, which are the main problem area for me, at present, taking up gallons of aqueous cream at great expense. All to the good of the Boots company, though! I expect the doctors of Norwich are highly amused to see me waste hundreds of pounds on the stuff! Ho, ho, ho! Criticise us, would you! Ho, ho! Let's see how you do after you're impoverished by having to spend out on the stuff yourself! Ho, ho!
Or perhaps they're just the poor, innocent victims of a system that makes it exceedingly hard to allocate somebody to a doctor, once they've complained about an inability to tell big from small? Perhaps they're unable to make their voice heard, when there is such an obvious failing in the system? I'd be a little surprised, myself!
My hands: Pic of backs of my hands.
Will be contacting Norwich PCT for allocation of doctor, mid next week, if none register me, by then. Still only one out of seven have replied, so far. Perhaps the other six do not exist? Or have a sealed letter box? Or perhaps the Royal Mail refuses to acknowledge their existence?

13/11/2

Fire strike in Norwich

Pics of strikers outside Norwich Fire Station, at 6.00pm tonight.

Picket line.
Strikers with official picket sign.
View of picket line 'from the cold end'.
Another view of the picket line with official picket sign.

Excuse gravity acting at peculiar angle - entirely probable, I assure you! Not bad for a toy e-camera with no flash! Sorry blurred!

Very good turnout, I thought, of the fire officers. Also, supporting unions in attendance. Mentioned to one of the officers what had happened when my union, the NUJ, had gone through a strike period (89-93, basically), and how it had been derecognised after a mere 15% pay claim, how we had been treated, afterwards, and that, while I was supportive, I was worried that aiming for 40% was overoptimistic, and quite likely to cause them more trouble than it was worth, and how stressful a six-month strike was. Funny how stress changes a person's life!

Anglia TV and Broadland radio there. Mentioned to Anglia that there had been a bomb scare. Don't think they'd heard about it. They said they didn't cover such things, as they only led to more. I pointed out that this might be particularly relevant, given that they were covering a fire strike. Every publication has its policy, I suppose, and it would be wrong (and probably futile) to attempt to sway it.

Bomb scare in Norwich!

Three police cars attended a bomb scare at a Norwich Union buliding in Norwich, today. When I went out, this afternoon, there was a small crowd of people at the back of the Rose Lane multi-storey car park. As I went past the car park, the area cleaner (the one who I yelled at for sweeping garbage into a drain) told me there was a bomb scare. Not at all sure why he thought we were back on speaking terms, but was interested in the info. Went into electrical goods shop opposite in Rose Lane to sort out 'Mini-turbo' brush for new vac (which hasn't turned up, after two months). Ages later, when I went out, police had gone, but people still going back in. Asked one what had happened. Got little more info, and left. Then it occurred to me to find out just who was in the building, so went back. Was stopped by some git who asked me who I was and what I was doing. My response was to ask the same question. Said he was head of security, and was keeping an eye out for anythign suspicious, and was very sarcastick about me not knowing it was an NU building. As it happens, the same building also houses Cavell Management Services, and Aioi Insurance Company of Europe - neither of which I know anything about. I suggested it would be rather arrogant of NU to assume everyone knew it was theirs. No actual bomb, and very little fuss, as far as I could tell.

Pics of the building in question:
Front three-quarters of NU building.
Reception, at front.
After taking a pic of the sign on the front, which came out crooked, and adds little to the story, a guard came out to see who it was taking pics. As I walked down the road to take the 3/4 view, he started taking notes. So, I went back and took his pic, too. Being the only crime in the county for 45 years, and everybody wanting to get into the web site story about it. :)
Front view with guard. Hello, Mum!

Personally, if I was Osama Bin Laden, or Saddam Hussain, the Rose Lane Business Centre would, naturally, be my next priority target, after the World Trade Center.

Actually, I am beginning to become a little bit worried that this country is descending into something akin to McCarthyism (excuse failure to check spelling), with reds (or Muslims) under every bed. They'll soon be blaming Bin Laden for Arsenal losing the FA Cup, and Saddam Hussain for England losing the Ashes.

How good is your ludo?

Got a letter from Argos, today, re: probability study. Was rather surprised to find that ARG is part of Argos, and letter had gone to chief exec of Argos. Will scan, later. Rather defensive, I thought, noted points, and, more or less, said: 'we don't care what you think!', which was rather disappointing. Not that I'm particularly worried!

Or Osama using loaded dice at the 'International Ludo Festival'. :)

12/11/2

Was assaulted, on Thursday, by the Chair of the Parmentergate Court Residents' Association. Have reported this to police, who, today, sent me this: Letter from Police, re: assault.
Included with letter, was this booklet explaining what will happen next and how: Victims of Crime.

For anyone worried about my health, I am, physically, fine, although I have now put a little box of emergency supplies to one side in my room again, in case someone decides this is all my fault, and that I should really be in hospital. Last time this happened, when world-famous journalist, Chris Wheal, failed to spot sarcasm (or refused to) a similar box stood in the middle of my room for months before I was confident enough to remove it. I really don't need this kind of stress. One might expect people not to pick on people that they like to be seen to consider to be dangerous. Or vulnerable. Or would you? Perhaps people are more likely to pick on people if they think they are likely to get away with it, for some reason? Or is that completely illogical?

The Big Time!

My web site appears to have made it onto the listings of Google! Will be interesting to see how many hits result. One might hope quite a few, with about 115,000 words on the site!

Doctors

Have resent original letter to the six or seven (of 21) doctors in Norwich that did not respond, with additional covering letter, asking to be registered, and fresh prepaid postcard. One has to make it easy for some people. Have suggested that whoever is allocated to me, in the event it becomes necessary, might wish to refund me the ?150 plus that this delay has cost me. Or give me a letter I can post here, explaining why they won't.

Making beds to lie in

Would advise against the Argos 'Scandinavia' double bed (cheapest model). Mine arrived with one duff pine plank (usual sap split), one warped, and appears to have an entirely novel means of supporting any weight applied to the centre: twiglets! Two 'columns' 18x20mm about 25-30cm long are supposed to be screwed, with one screw at the top, to the frame. No idea how anyone is supposed to vacuum underneath, or push suitcases under, without whole thing collapsing. They don't appear in the picture in the catalogue! So, will be undertaking structural engineering.

Spores, moulds and fungi

Have been photographing the curious spidery 'dust' (or whatever it is) that Boots kindly suplies, free of charge, on many of its 'sterile' containers containing 'sterile' products. Will post photos asap. May also have a go at 'growing' whatever it is in agar (if I can find any), or gelatine (naughty veggie, bad veggie!).

I saw two shooting stars, last night...

Got some pics back of fireworks and stars. Seems to be loads of light pollution, which has washed out the lower part of photos. Think slightly less exposures than suggested in table below might be better. However, successfully got circular arcs from stars. Think I even got 'The Pleiades' (aka Seven Sisters, over Taurus) on film. Surprising how fast you get 'trails'. Anything over about 20-30sec and it becomes noticeable. So, shorter exposures than you might imagine produce dots for stars. (Calcs are: 15 degrees rotation per hour (360 degrees at 24hrs per day): therefore, one degree every four minutes). Advise shooting upwards, under such conditions. About 20-30 degrees above horizon, perhaps. Leonids' peak on 19th Nov, 4am.

Evening supplemental

Have returned to scan star pics for you. Ain't I kind!

Equipment: Ricoh KR10 Super 35mm camera, with Sigma Mini-Wide II f=28mm dia52mm lens, Atlantic Alfa 3 Q/R tripod, 12in cable release, Jessop ISO200 print film.

f/2.8, 20sec.
f/8, 20sec.
f/8, 2min. 'Trailing' becoming apparent.
f/8, 4min. Trailing very clear.
f/8, 15min.
f/8, 30min. Includes rather feeble firework!
f/8, 1hr.
Zip file of all above seven pics (553kb).

I ought to point out that, in direction of shots, there is a hill, about 5 degrees above 'flat' horizon.

'Astronomy Now' magazine recommends starting watching at 03Hr UT (GMT) for about three hours, looking North East (moon is out), and suggests max exposure of 5mins at f/2.8 with 50mm or 28mm lens using ISO400 film.

That ridiculous Argos bed design: Argos 'Scandinavia' double bed.

Letter from Boots, re: refusal to take 37p for 36p item: Letter from Boots.

Letter to Consodata, asking them to stop plaguing me with junk mail: Letter to Consodata.

Second cover letter sent to doctors, re: getting registered: Letter to doctors.

Have more pics in pipeline, which I hope will have better exposure, and better fireworks in (from Nov 5th). Am getting them Thurs, so some time after that - hopefully, will post before Leonids!

4/11/2

Got a reply from my MP. Assume it was more likely to be about people knowing how I voted than for suggesting that cutting be separated from fire-fighting, and a new team for that and clean-up being formed. Just a postcard, mind, not a full written reply.
Postcard from MP.

Tried some firework photography, last night. Took some beautiful shots of fireworks at horizon with stars up top. Also, while camera shutter open on what was to be 1hr exposure (for characteristic circular arc star trails), saw some red-orange lights pass across sky. A couple of weeks or so earlier, my father had reported seeing the International Space Station pass over Bury St Edmunds, with another member of his choir. I, too, had seen something, shortly after. This time, however, the two 'lights' were moving apart and 'jostling' for places, as though merrily playing tag. Unfortunately, when I was using up the remainder of the film, this morning, the winder didn't advance. When an assistant in the camera shop handed me back my camera, after playing with it in a safe box, it proved to be empty. Will have to try again. Was hoping to practice for Leonids, which may not be seen again, this centrury. Don't suppose I'll see the red lights again, though. Pity.
Sketch of paths of lights.

Have bought Egyptian hieroglyph stamp kit. So, have been making exceedingly intelligent use of them. Here are two quick examples (aren't they neat!):
Standard prayer.
Exorcism routine.

I may graduate to finger-painting, if I'm really lucky and find an organisation that offers genuine rehabilitation!

31/10/02

Secret ballots?

That explanation for inside knowledge of a UK General Election secret ballot in full: Kirsty's reply.

I'm free! At last, I'm free!

Finally got signed off the books of the psychiatrist and social worker, with my final CPA meeting, on Tuesday! Social worker professed ignorance of benefits system. This, with lack of knowledge of local GPs seemed, to me, inexcusable. Psychiatrist made standard feeble attempt to push drugs. CPA sign-off notes in full.

The hypocrisy of JK Rowling

Letter to Ceefax community pages, re: JK Rowling and charity. Letter to CSV. Regulars to my pages will note my views on the concept of charity, and how charity is used in this country!

How to take pictures of fireworks, this Bonfire Night

Spreadsheet of suggested night photo exposures, including fireworks. Source: night photo wheel by Practical Photography.

Fun, games and encryption

6 x 6 dice-to-alphanumeric conversion table for secure one-time pad encryption table generation.

Letter to the manufacturers/distributors of Spear's games asking about pop dice, etc. Letter to ARG.

Letters of yore

The letter from Saga, re: DPA, junk mail.

The letter from Cotman, re: drains, etc. I think this raises, yet again, the question of to whom such charities (and they are a special type not required to report to the Charity Commission) are accountable.

One or two more replies back, re: getting registered with a doctor. Nothing positive. Stream of returns apparently drying up. Pretty lousy, considering I gave them all a prepaid postcard. Will probably have to get PCT to allocate a doctor to me. Why I have to experience such delays, I do not know. This is costing me ?17 per week or so. Have already qualified for one cuddly toy from Boots. Have, therefore, sent 'Gladly' the Elephant to my brother's new son.

Got a letter from Boots, re: unwillingess to accept 37p for 36p product. No explanation as to why this happened. So, dropped in, this morning, to ask why. Apparently, cashier had 'had personal problems' and 'was confused'. Not terribly convincing, in my opinion. Letter from Boots.

28/10/02

How about a nice game of chess?

Have finished practical probability study. Has turned up a couple of quite interesting results:

1) Loaded dice work better some ways than others. And they don't give you much of a gain, considering how blindingly obviously 'bent' they are!
2) Automatic die shakers have a serious drawback.
3) Even a cheap plastic roulette wheel appears to be 'fair'.
4) Computer-generated random data exhibits some very curious patterns.

Everyday practical gaming probabilities Excel 5.0 spreadsheet (225kb). Includes studies on dice (true and loaded, constrained and free, automatic), roulette, and computer-generated random data). In particular, it looks at what you are likely to throw next, which clearly has implications for game playing.

Quick STOS BASIC program for examining sequential behaviour of computer-generated random numbers (as text file): RANDSEQ.TXT

Anybody fancy trying to create a cast of characters at random? I'll put together some entirely random music for you, if you wish - but trust me, it always sounds ghastly!

Would be interested to hear from anybody that might like to comment on the possible implications for encryption/decryption of patterns in supposedly random data.

How to find a doctor"

Have been asking round doctors to find one to have a look at my skin. No success, yet, but some clear indications that doctors are not only unable to tell big from small, but don't bother to read what they are sent, and may even be afraid of doing so, or if they do, don't pay attention.

How to get help from a doctor.
How to make it really easy for them to reply.

And don't expect more than half of them to reply to you within a week! If you're buying your own medicine, you'd better hope the money doesn't run out within about two to three weeks. I may have to get someone to allocate one to me.

All of replies to date: all rejections!

Cover note to accompany complete listing of doctors in Norfolk I supplied to Norwich Mental Health Community Team, 80, St Stephens, Norwich: List of doctors in Norfolk.

I regret that I haven't had time to retype it all as a database. I have been a bad boy! A slacker! I must remedy this! I must remedy this! I must remedy this! I will probably use MS Works, and produce DBase, and comma-separated variable versions to make it easy for people. Some people don't do nuthin for their dole money!

Miscellaneous items of the day

Have written to Catholic Bishop of Norwich (if such a thing exists), re: demonic possession. Letter to Catholic Bishop of Norwich. No reply yet. No reply from incoming Archbishop of Canterbury, either! Probably too busy selling it on angels! Champagne Christians!

Cotman Housing continues to disappoint. And some so-and-so (there is a profanity checker en-route, here, somewhere!) moved my motorcycle without asking again! Letter to Cotman.

Have managed to get Saga Holidays junk mail off my back by writing to them. Apparently someone renting a database with dud data in. Letter to Saga. Will be contacting database owner, in similar vein, to prevent recurrence.

Didn't realise the Post Office only kept rejected material for three weeks. One of my test parcels therefore ended up in Belfast. Seems quite an odd policy, all things considered, to not bother attempting to redeliver items of mail, sit on them for three weeks, and then go to the trouble of either sending them back to the originator or destroying them. Will, therefore, have to go via Customer Services to get it back - assuming they believe they have an obligation to do anything at all.

This page badly needs to be archived off, so will do so, after principal raft of new arrivals generated by next ad in Private Eye have seen it a couple of times. Seemed to work quite well, last time, I thought!

Anyone read the second Harry Potter novel? Haven't had the time or money, myself! Suppose I'd better find out what all the fuss is about, hadn't I?

19/10/02

That ridiculous sponsored police car, in picture:

Evening News sponsored police car.
EN police car front quarter.
EN police car rear quarter view.
The reason I tarted up my moped so ridiculously was to highlight the encroaching saleability of the Norfolk Police force. I believe that their latest vehicle looks even more ridiculous than my piss-take!

NORCI has renamed itself 'Meridian East'. I do not know why. Such behaviour is usually an indication of impending problems within a company, and the last desperate action of management keen to attempt to paper over cracks. The old NORCI web site was still functioning, when I last looked. The King's Lynn minibus still bears the old logos. There is no sign over the main premises - there are, if you look carefully, two small logos stuck in the window of the reception, with a yellow triangle on a blue square.

A search for 'Meridian East' on Google produces a link to Kampgrounds of America. Amusingly, Meridian East is right next door to Millar West - a removals company. To me, ME says 'yuppy 'flu''.
Camp is very entertaining!

New NORCI.
The other side of new NORCI. If you look to the right, you can see the minibus with the old logo (checkerboard 'steps' in a square).
I really wish people would be more imaginative with logos, today. Coats of arms, and other, older logos are so much more friendly, and, to me, indicate greater thought and care.

What I use to weigh small letters (eg: airmail): 'Drug-dealers' scales'.

Fire safe:

Safe closed.
Safe open.

Home-made glove stand to keep washing up gloves dry to reduce eczematous inflammation caused by water:
Glovestand.
The wire to make them cost about ?1.80.

(Some of below now irrelevant!)

Today, I am hoping to have a 'picture day'! However, this depends upon the library's nanny system being cooperative. It appears to have been 'upgraded'. That is to say, it has a completely new set of annoying habits. Somebody, somewhere, is probably being paid a lot of money for having called this 'progress'.

Will now try to upload pics!

Finally got list of doctors from Norwich PCT, after having to ask a second time for list. They swore they had posted it, and I believe them. It arrived the next day. So, I posted two test oversize packages to myself, again. Neither arrived. However, a 'we are holding...' note did. Again. I am increasingly disappointed with the service provided by the Royal Mail. At some stage, somebody is going to come a cropper when something really important is not delivered. Myself, it only cost me an extra week's supply of cream and tissue paper - about ?17. A refund would be nice. Don't suppose it'll arrive, though. And, I expect, when I go to Roundtree Way PO to pick up the packages, I'll either get sarcasm or ill will or 'that's your tough luck we're untouchable and you better not forget it'. Have photocopied list and sent it to Social Services, which department is clearly in need of the financial support, and a small commitment of time on the part of those that it purports to support in order to function properly. Presumably, they are all too busy making tea!

Funnily enough, a shop assistant in Boots, the other day, tried the same thing. I offered 37p for a Double Decker, costing 36p. She offered the twopenny piece back to me and said: 'it's 36p!'. Unaware of why this might be a problem, I asked her to clarify the problem. I believe she must have thought herself quite amusing or superior, because she refused to get on with her job and give me the penny change. So I suggested that she go fetch the manager. She did. I am waiting for a letter from Boots, explaining precisely WHY somebody would take it into their head to act like that. It so happens that the Customer Services Department of the Royal Mail, appears to believe that it, too, can get away with such behaviour. I am confident that it will catch up with them, at some stage. I get sick and tired of such behaviour, which is why I often take up the issue, in the belief that being seen to discourage it, whenever it occurs, will lead to a decrease in the occurrence of it. I trust I am right. It would be interesting to consider the ramifications of it not doing so. I like to think of it as being similar to the Roman army's policy of beseiging and eradicating utterly on every occasion, without fail, creating a terrible reputation that leads, through fear of the inevitable, to capitulation without going through all the tiresome struggle.

Sorry some of pics are in wrong rotation. I thought I had corrected that before I saved them to disk. It usually works fine dropping them into Word. Will correct on subsequent ones. Hands in too much danger of become sore. Must go! Bye!

12/10/2

Please forgive brevity and incompleteness of yesterday's offering! Was very pressed for time, and library's nanny system definitely seems to be playing up. I managed to upload about 20 files yesterday, before it suddenly decided it didn't like the idea, and stopped doing it. Today, I have uploaded one - fortunately one of the ones I was really keen to use, before it fell over again. Will check why later.

Since I am keen to maintain this site in a 'matter of record' style, I am unwilling to 'correct' yesterday's entry, and will rekey the appropriate HTML for the files.

First, in case anything else goes wrong, some snippets of news:

Drain is still not cleaned, and filling up nicely in rain. Had a word with street cleaner, the other day, as I removed all the chalk marks, having talked to Sue Harrowing, of Cotman Housing, some while after she had questioned me about my 'artistic licence'. After agreeing that I do not have one, I volunteered to remove them. I did so. While doing so, I took the opportunity to ask the cleaner why he had a habit of brushing dust and dirt down the next drain down the hill. He had no answer.

Still haven't found a doctor. Was hoping material from Norwich PCT would be in box, this AM, but was not. Will have to wait. Paid ?17 for aqueous cream and tissues to wipe off excess, yesterday. Good job the taxpayer doesn't have to foot this bill!

Have finally wrested my synthesiser from my youngest brother. Have been having a quick play. Have been coding in Zadok the Priest, by Handel - which I sort of started work on many many years ago. May post the MIDI file, later. Suspect the voices my synth uses are unusual, so might need work. Will be old, standard MIDI, I expect! Also, have score for The Wall - may do 'Nobody Home'. And, can now do Button Up Your Overcoat, and Charmaine, which I have in a selection book.

Have bought a firesafe (?45, Machine Mart) to store the floppies on which I create this web site. After putting in over nine months' work, I do not feel like losing it. I am the only person I know that has taken such precautions for protecting electronic media. Actually, the safe declares itself to be unsuitable for disks, but I reckon it's got to be better than nothing. But then, the Fire Brigade have already put out one fire in the flat next door to me, when the woman there left a candle burning. The current occupants, may or may not be dope peddlers (I assume the police believed 2hrs of two or three officers' time to be worthwhile), and may not be compos mentis all the time, while playing with fire. And, for who alone knows what reason, the Housing Association has put a solid gate at the back of the carpark through which nothing over 2m tall can pass - ie: no fire engines - and that after we got double yellow lines down St John Street so that they could get round there! Funniily enough, during the recent power cut, the portcullis gate to the underground carpark failed, so lots of people had to park in the carpark of the adjacent flats, being unable to get in.

Because the power cut lasted some time, and was widespread (Benefits Agency, my flats, all the way down past the EDP in Rouen Road, I'm told), after a substation switch failed, I went out and bought a ?10 Gaz stove, from Index, some fuel from Millets, and a ?5 fluorescent torch from Maplin, which is surprisingly bright for 4 x AA.

I now have a river view, as someone has wrenched down the two warhouses that were behind the Benefits Agency. See pics below. In the pics, you can see one bay (two storeys tall) of the new portakabin, which is 14 bays long. I can see a smidgen of the river, and the occasional boat passing.

Have bought a book on everyday maths, by Eastaway and Wyndham, called 'Why do buses come in threes?'. Am hoping for a little guidance on probability theory. May also get into symbiotic/competitive population theory (number of foxes versus rabbits, etc - may be useful in, for example, numbers of bacteriophages (which organism I came across, curiously enough, while researching the name 'Hershey', in case it told me anything about the Hershey Bar) versus numbers of bacteria, or, possibly, numbers of policemen versus numbers of dope peddlers, numbers of peddlers versus numbers of users, numbers of FBI, CIA, MI6, MI5 agents versus numbers of Afghan terrorists, etc). Also good for game theory - will make useful adjunct to Ken Binmore's book.

Made a heat mat for my ?10 electric fire. When I bought it, last year, I tried it on the cheap polypropylene carpet, and after a short while, the carpet rucked. That looked dangerous, so I stopped using it. The mat (see pic, below) is tin foil, shiny side up, stuck to a piece of corrugated cardboard with repositionable spraymount adhesive (which proved useful during assembly!). It seems to stay cool even after prolonged use - however, am not trusting it unsupervised. Am planning to get wall mount unit from Machine Mart, when they are in stock. Not cheap, at ?30, but removes rucking problem, also knock-over and heating things I don't want to heat problems.

We now appear to be getting traffic wardens down St John Street. Curiously, they appear to be adopting more of a policing role - increased powers, I'm told. Motorcycle mounted one nearly knocked over a pedestrian in his hurry to get down St John Street - no idea what the problem was, but we had a community policing MPV, panda, and mobile warden, so must have been important and urgent.

Norfolk Constabulary has now gone too far. The Evening News sponsors its latest squad card. It looks totally ridiculous! Now, I tarted up my motorcycle because I thought the Desira car was too far. This one looks like the Evening News went and found a police car door from a scrap heap and bolted it on. Absolutely ridiculous. It should be repainted in plain white immediatedly!

Got a letter from police indicating increased drugs activity in the area. It certainly seems to have been right on that one!

My geranium is flowering! It's nice and round, too, after living on a turntable for a couple of months.

Bought a bird book the other day. Partly to find out about birds, but also to find things like Nictea Scandiaca, for Harry Potter-like purposes. So, bought one by Detlef Singer. This is especially good for the likes of JK Rowling, who depend upon such books, as not only does it have common names, it also has latin names, and, better yet, also French and German. Sadly, looking for a starling (one I'm pretty sure I know the look of) I came to a picture of a spoonbill. After discovering several other errors, I took it back for a refund, and bought the RSPB offering, by Hume. Sadly, no European names.

My cousin, Nic T (or rather, now, Nic C) tells me that the address of my uncle, her father, in Flitwick, was 8, Kestral Road, Mount Pleasant, Flitwick.

Wonder what a kestral is, in latin? Or German? Or French? I guess that that's not the same as a Snowy Owl. My teddy bear was called 'Snowy' because it was white.

'Flitwick is a town in England.' JK Rowling.

RSPB have been running stall in the mall. Talked to them. Have got copy of accounts. May ask for full version, later, and do analysis. About 25% of their money (at a quick glance) seems to go on management and admin. Will do comparison with NORCI's, later.

Ordered an 'Easyweigh' weigher, while complaining to Royal Mail about shocking service. This cost me a few quid in phone bill. Useless thing! It's supposed to be for weighing airmail letters. Its first division is at 20g. PO trying to double its money? Also, I don't know about you, but I tend to fold the paper before it goes into the envelope, so much over 10-20g, and the thing is very unlikely to fit in the slot. Personally, I use a set of dieting scales and a 'drug-dealer's' scale, which weighs low quantities to half a gramme.

Tried a BT internet booth, the other day. Also pretty useless. Wouldn't show my hotmail account. Probably trying to reassert its position in the market. Futile. Still, nice to know I can access the net in the street.

Can't seem to upload anything, including my replies to David Wright, Lucy Bland of the Royal Mail, letter to MP decrying confiscation of belts and laces from patients in psychiatric hospitals, etc, so will have to try again, later.

One of my old friends from Warwick University, Kirsty Sutherland, once told me that I hadn't voted in the recent general election. I have written to her to find out why she told me this. I was under the impression that we operated secret ballots in this country, and what I may have done, or not done, in the ballot booth, was a secret between myself and it. She seemed pretty confident. Wonder why she thought she knew?

When I had just been sacked by Miller Freeman (MFI - and I don't mean the flatpack people!), in 1996, I did a course in German, at the Goethe Insitute, in South Kensington. Two months. I have now completely lost any ability to speak the darned language, but may pick up the occasional word, if talked to. No chance to practice. I believe one day, I was wearing my denim jacket, which, before much considerable bleaching (rather liked the pinky-orange and blue number I've labelled 'Sullywully', below) was a new blue. I was bald, having shaved. Not sure whether I'd shaved my head halfway through the course or not. Anyway, one day, I was on my way home, walking down the street to South Ken tube station. I stopped to cross a road that leads into a mews, I think, and looked right. I was rather startled when somebody looking a lot like Lady Diana Spencer, who was still alive, then, very tall, quite thin, quite ruddy, slightly veiney cheeks stopped to cross the road, too. I was even more startled when she said: 'Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't recognise you!'. Now, whether it was Lady Diana Spencer or not, I am certain I didn't know the woman. And, I am absolutely and completely certain that there would have been no reason on Earth for Lady Diana Spencer to have recognised me, at all!. So, I sort of casually said: 'Oh! That's alright!', and allowed her to continue on her way toward the South Ken tube station underpass. I've never told anyone, because I would never have expected them to believe me. Perhaps it was the sort of thing that she used to do? 'I know! Let's go and frighten the bejesus out of some poor citizen that nobody's ever going to believe by saying 'hello!' to them as though they're somebody we know!' Right sort of place to bump into her, I suppose. Odd to think that the night she went wasn't the only time she's bumped into members of the press shortly before disappearing down a tunnel! As it happens, there was someone on the course who had a classic 'Lady Di' hair do - but rather 'a la Sharon and Tracy'.

As it happens, I have had very loose connections with the royalty. I've stayed in one of the most exclusive hotels (so I'm told) in the country: Windsor Great Lodge. When I was with the MOD, as a student engineer, we had an induction course there. About 40 students there, apparently at the invitation of the Queen Mother (for it was her lodge). During the course of the induction we were told to watch out for various subversive organisations, including one called 'Pink Elephants' (or something very similar). One chap even told us that, if we were interested in working in intelligence, we should have a discreet word with him, afterwards. Now, at the time, I was rather keen to get out of the organisation, having only taken the sponsorship as it was the only one offered to me. The last thing I wanted was greater involvement. So I did nothing of the sort. I am not aware of any of my colleagues doing so, either. A number of them disgraced themselves abominably, while there, by coming down to breakfast with no trousers on. I suppose they thought it was amusing. I am, to my knowledge, the only person I know that has actually been asked if they would like to work in intelligence. I hated life with the MOD, and left as soon as possible, forfeiting a bursary and extra training. My year at Durham University only seemed to be taking me back to more of the same, and I failed, there. I probably shouldn't have written that! But then, that was in 1983, almost 20 years ago. Having read Tomlinson's book, I am glad I didn't bother - sound like a complete bunch of tossers doing very little of use for anyone!

Pic of the 9/11 message I put near the library, but which some git washed off before the anniversary.

Letter from Lucy Bland, of Royal Mail.
Ridiculous letter from Sue Brown, of Norfolk Soc Servs, telling me to go find a doctor for myself because she doesn't care.
Drain demo - still nothing!
Letter from police telling us to watch out for drugs.
Detail of original drain message
Rat, anyone? Might be your last chance!
Who does clean things round here, anyway?.

More later. This is stressful to my skin. Have bought Miele vacuum, which seems to work well. Sounds like a jet engine on the runway about to take off, if you block the narrow nozzle while cleaning! 1800Watts heating the same small quantity of air - presumably quite rapidly! On/off switch isn't very positive, and the plug, would you believe is so sloped that it's difficult to pull out of the socket. Otherwise, am very pleased with it.

Just thought I'd have a last quick go at uploading letters. It worked!

Reply to David Wright, of Soc Servs, re: finding a doctor.
Letter to MP, re: belts and laces of psychiatric patients.
Letter to Lucy Bland, of Royal Mail Customer Services.
Original letter to Royal Mail, re: not trying to deilver large items.
Letter to MP, re: postal services.
Letter to MP, re: effectiveness of Social Services.

Finally, a pic of the demo message in context. For some reason, the library system doesn't like the first version of this that I tried, so gave a new copy a random name, which it appears to be perfectly at ease with. 9/11 demo, near library, with background.

11/10/2

I'm back!

Bet you were wondering where I'd got to! Have had to stay at home, some, 'cos eczema was getting rather bad. Didn't like to be too far away from a tub of aqueous cream. Have also been preparing some stuff for the web site. Am currently working on some probability stuff: dice, roulette, etc. Have got three interesting results already. Excel file is now up to 150k, and will post it in due course, when finished.

Am adding stuff to a file called test111002.html at present, as library's permissions system is giving me grief.

Am short of time, therefore very simple format, today!

All files listed below are in root directory - just add the filename to the path in the top window to get them!

Click on pic to see how high 'high' is (it's the white box)

Rats
Waste of time by Royal Mail
Safer bar heater - use foil on card! Stays cool! Note varnished floor!
Drain demo - white chalk added when nothing happened
A little art for my brother in Wales - or not, depending on what you think of it!
Demolition gives river view
Letter from Consignia
Drain demo gets worse
Letter to head of Soc Servs following ridiculous lack of info on doctors Have had letter back which is even more ridiculous from Sue Brown! See below!

bland111002.doc
brownsue111002.doc
fishandcompost111002.png
police111002.doc
cleanme111002.png
ratmeat111002.png
ratsfishandcompost111002.png

19/9/2

Felt the need to shave it all off, last night, as the underside of my chin was itching, terribly. Was rather alarmed to discover I have some sort of scalp problem. Am, therefore, going to find GP (as this is the sort of behaviour psychiatrists love to see - not expecting anything useful to happen, mind).

Just quickly, before signing on, here is new me:

Before: Sullywully.
After: Googlybear!

Some people really are utterly clueless! Only a complete idiot would go and make a bad problem worse! (Unless it was more profitable, perhaps?). QED.

Might just as well use varnish!

14/9/2

Anyone see any good 9/11 demos? Me, I saw nothing!

We care! Deeply!

However, I did go for a walk, very late at night, the day before. I may have taken a walk down to NORCI, and written 'FBI trainees, 4th on left', with an arrow pointing into Marriott Close (See: NORCI). I thought this was really really funny, myself. And I mean really funny. Not only was I demonstrating against the intelligence failure that must, almost by definition, have occurred, in order for the WTC, etc attacks to have taken place, but it was a chance to have a gentle dig at NORCI. Actually, on the way back, it occurred to me that it might have been ever so slightly insensitive to do this, as, to mention something like the intelligence services in an area where vulnerable people are to be found - particularly vulnerable people that might be paranoid about things like intelligence services, freemasons, demons, or whatever the Hell kind of paranoia they may be suffering from could remind them of whatever problem it was they were trying to forget, or get over. However, shortly after this, I consoled myself with the fact that, while I was working at NORCI, I had begun to go to work wearing an FBI jacket, with the letters in bold gold, about six inches high on the back, and also clearly marked on the front, and that the possibility that this might be troublesome to its sensitive trainees (sorry - 'clients' - the name was formally changed, some while back - slip of the tongue) clearly never occurred to anybody, in particular the 'managers' there, as, in all the time I was there, nobody mentioned this to me once. So it was obviously not a problem. As I said, I thought, myself, that it was very funny.

Actually, first things first! On the way down to NORCI, for which I left at about 2am, I thought I'd swing by an area of town called Tombland, which is, prosaically, next door to the Anglican Cathedral. Inside, behind the enormous wooden gates, lies a law firm, called 'Leathes Prior'. Funnily enough, an old friend of mine once worked there. Someone I was at Durham University with (before they chucked me out for spending more time in a scull called the 'JJ King' than learning about engineering). It was also, after some curious experiences with cheaper firms (see the passage copied from GB Shaw's prefaces to his 'Doctor's Dilemma', on this site), and some very helpful advice on changing my name, back in 98, the law firm I approached regarding Harry Potter, at the beginning of this year. Before I go any further, I should mention that, in order to lay the groundwork for a little something, and to repay the debt, or promise I made, to the particular solicitor that was helpful to me in name-changing (gave me free advice) I took in a bottle of (rather cheap, I'm afraid) red wine, the day before. While doing so, I took the opportunity to 'scope the ground' (see under 'cowboy'), and checked that I would, indeed, be right under the nose of a closed-circuit TV camera. Anyway, on the night in question, the route I took to NORCI took me that way. And the strangest thing happened! I passed two men in reflective yellow jackets, with the 'Biwater' logo on them, one of whom held an opened map. Checked around them a bit, to see if there might be any reason for them to be there. They duly, and obediently, looked puzzled. Then I asked them what they were doing. They said they were from Anglian Water, and were looking for leaks. I suggested that this must be pretty urgent. They said that this was entirely routine. Must get pretty good overtime! Anyway, I came back, after leaving the little love-letter for NORCI, and settled down for some typesetting under the gaze of the closed-circuit TV camera. Chalked 'MI6 recruitment, 2nd left through arch. Ask for 'M'.B. Or Tel: 01603 610 911 (Mug up on art & lit. first)'. I used a slightly larger font for the '911' part of the phone number, as I thought that this would be really, really really funny, what with it being associated with the US police. As, presumably, the law firm in question also does, as that is, indeed, its phone number. And, and you're going to love this, what made it even funnier was that it was there for the 9/11 demo. Aren't I brilliant? Aren't I funny?

Anyway, wandered on, and came to a bus stop, outside the office of City & County Estate Agents, which also happens to be in Tombland, just over the pedestrian crossing. Noticed it was a stop for a bus to the airport, and, quick as a flash, decided to chalk 'Take 505 4 WTC - say 'Osama' sent you' under the shelter. Aren't I amusing? Aren't I just the most intelligent demonstrator you'e ever heard of?

Oh. By the way, this was nothing to do with the fact that I had no hot water for eight weeks, or the fact that I would often come home to find complete strangers meddling with one or another fixture or fitting in the flat, before they had me evicted for asking someone for ID.

So, on I wandered, miiiiinding me own business. Got to the street where the good law firm I used to win the NORCI employment issue lives. Chalked a stop sign at the foot of the road. Actually, it was meant to be an 'open limit' sign, but I got the bar at the wrong angle - guess I never learned that particular alphabet to write - I can only read it! - Had to go back the following day and chalk a post on it at a funny angle to make it look right!

This had nothing to do with the fact that a particularly aggressive junior lawyer had, when taking me to an interview room, marched (stomped) loudly and swung his arms as though he believed himself to be a military policeman leading a rather hung-over squaddie to the sergeant (or whoever it is they use) for disciplining, instead of quietly and politely leading the potentially lucrative client to talk business. Hup two! Hup two! Hup two!

While I was doing that, a funny thing happened. A chap called Liam, or Donald (I can never remember which is which - two blokes that live in the same pair of blocks flats as me - I just remember both names because of Liam Donaldson, of DOH fame), accosted me. So we chatted. He asked me what I was drawing. Feeling that it was blindingly self-evident that it was a road sign, I described it simply as 'art', and, later, as 'a private joke'. I asked him what he was doing out, at what must have been about 3am, by then. He said he had been unable to sleep, and had decided to go and buy something to eat. I told him that that probably wasn't the first thing that I'd decide to do, if unable to sleep, and left it at that. Bit like bumping into all those 'trainees' from NORCI. Doesn't seem to happen quite so much, these days. Funnily enough, it always seemed to happen when something interesting to do with NORCI was going on (such as talking to my solicitors about pounding NORCI into the ground at a Tribunal) - but then, that was probably just my being sensitised to the company because something was. Bit like noticing other people's shoes when you're thinking of buying a new pair. We passed a doorway with a homeless person sleeping in it. Since they were completely covered with cardboard and other detritus, I took the opportunity to chalk 'ART - here every nite' across the front of the doorway. I don't know about you, but I can't understand how the social services department of a large (?) city can fail to be able to successfully put a roof over the head of the very small handful (eg: 18) people that find themselves with no other option, of a night, when they can successfully do so for about 100,000 other people. I have to assume that it is not incompetence. I therefore assume that it must be by design. Since it can't be 'pour encourager les autres', as this would be barbaric politics for this day and age, I have to assume that those responsible must consider it to be an artform. Why they do not advertise it more widely, I do not know. So I decided to help them. It was for a similar reason that I had chalked 'Now put one up for the homeless' outside the door of the Benefits Agency, which has just installed a 14-bay, two-storey portakabin, in order to allow them a whole year to refurbish the building they use. Anyway, so, off Liam Donaldson toddled to Tesco, which I was surprised to discover was open.

Lively place, at night, Norwich!

Went up to the City Hall, where I had, previously, chalked, 'SAD!' beneath a banner explaining that the city believed it was a good idea to spend loads of money chasing a hopeless chance of getting a ridiculous, and worthless logo, some many years hence, as it was clearly unable to achieve it at present (ie: European City of Culture), and updated it with a very small 'Definitely sad!'.

Toddled on to the library, and wrote 'Remember those that LET it happen! FBI, CIA, MI5, MI6, etc 9/11. Modern technology sees all (Echelon, raptor) except 30,000 trainee terrorists and airline bookings' on the steps. With a footnote to the effect that the internet is wondrous.

Went to the spot by the church opposite, where the day before the event, some callous b had spray-washed off my entirely peaceful message to the same effect as above. Added (to the bit where I'd put 'All gone?' earlier) - Guess we forget pretty quickly!, and decorated another slab, some way to the right with 'Why not clean this one, too?'. Personally, it has long been my desire to see the council clean the pavements along St Stephens, the underpass, etc, and various other places where the homeless people find themselves sitting. I really can't bear the idea that they have to sit in that awful sticky grey human slime that accumulates, begging for money. I'd be much happier seeing them sitting on squeaky clean pavements, begging for money. Or in a portakabin, with adequate benefits. Naaaaaaahh! Too easy!!!

Added a couple of other small 'Remember...'s to various shiny bricks on the floor, as, by now, the pens were running out, and the nibs all scuffed. Then went and found the taxi rank. Chalked ''00' TAXIS _ONLY_' at the entrance for the cabs to the rank. At least, that was what I _thought_ I had written! Went to get up, and noticed I had missed the 'I'. Damn! Left it as a bad job, and went and did it properly, further up the rank. It was about 4am, I was tired, and cold, and hadn't brought an eraser with me.

Finally, to get one more bee out of my bonnet, went and rechalked 'TACKY! What must the _tourists_ think of us' beneath the 20mph limit sign at the entrance to Castle Meadow, on which the 'we've got a DTP system, 'n' we gunna use it' mentality has prevailed. The 'A' is a castle icon, and there is a crossed swords logo for the 'W'. Truly ghastly! How on earth such a ridiculous breach of street sign protocol ever happened, I can't even begin to imagine!

Went home.

Chalked another 'Remember...' outside the door of the multi-storey carpark opposite my block of flats.

Next day, went to buy some new shirts. Desperately wanted to do proper FBI outfit demo, despite the fact that the eczema on my hands, and, at present, my arms (probably because of all the cleaning and DIY I've been doing) is terrible. The FBI jacket is great, but very sweaty inside. So, rather than disappoint the crowds, chalked 'MI6' on my old, less-used black denim jacket, clamped flashing blue light to head with hand, strung listening device over shoulder, and strolled out to find shirts.

On way down to Magdalen Street, thought I'd call past City & County bus stop. They had removed the 505 sign. Sat waiting for bus. No 505. Damn! Bloody faulty intelligence! Had to walk! Crossed over, into Tombland, to see if Leathes Prior had got spray-washer out (or the Cathedral staff, for that matter). They hadn't. Thought about it for a while, then wandered through, past Leathes Prior, and out the other end. Wish I hadn't done it, really, as I don't like disturbing places of worship (however hypocritical the 'bishop', or whatever the term might be for the particular religion, might be when it comes to 'demons' (or similar)).

On the way home, checked out a new vacuum cleaner. Watch this space for a review of a ?189 Miele Solution 700 HEPA edition, later.

Spent a lot of time in bed, thereafter!

Was disturbed by doorbell a few times. Since no-one had said they were coming, and they hadn't rung the entry bell, I assumed it was probably someone I didn't want to see, and ignored it. It may well have been. Got up to find a note, yesterday, from the housing association, asking me to contact its offices regarding my 'artistic license', which I took to be a reference to my little protest in St John Street, regarding a drain that has been blocked for about a year and a half, or more, and shows every sign of being blocked for another winter. After chalking 'CLEAN ME!' on the pavement by the drain, nothing happened. After some while I added 'Why is this still blocked?! in blackboard chalk. This was duly washed away by the rain (during the course of which shower, the familiar boating lake formed). So, I added, in language I thought might be more appropriate to the members of the Residents' Association, a message in bold, bright, coloured squares, triangles, circles and hexagons of the sort found in small, (or large, educationally subnormal) children's posting boxes, etc. I added loads of apostrophes and capitalised all sorts of 'letters', so I'm sure they must have been able to understand it! And, as before, since no action was taken, I came to the conclusion that it had to be a deliberate act of some sort that the drain was still blocked, as it could not possibly be a 'management' failure. Managers never get anything wrong. Never. It had, therefore, to be a work of art, or something more profound. So, I added 'John Innes No. 3 50p/bucket' and 'Fishing licences ?50 per season' alongside the coloured squares etc. Now, I have no idea how much a fishing licence is, as I think it is a rather barbaric form of leisure. Could be cheap. Could be quite expensive. Whichever, the season only lasts a few hours or so, at present. However, the John Innes is almost coming out of the top of the drain, so the season may get longer, as we round the corner into the autumn.

Then went round corner, where I had, previously, in front of the solid, immovable rear height-limiting gate, chalked 'NO FIRE ENGINES', and added 'There is no PCMCRA'. I assume this to be correct, as it would either have done something about the drain, or let the residents of the flats know of its new constitution, following its annual elections. Then again, since it has, in the past, acted as though procedures are bunk, perhaps it might not. Who cares.

I had, also, in the past, chalked 'Private road' across the entrance to St John Street. I take this to be the case, as the RA has never told us that the road has been adopted, as it said it was going to be. I assume that this is the reason that there are double yellow lines in the (now locked) rear car park, where I had also written 'In case of emergency, write to PCMCRA for key'. I had, therefore, written 'Public parking' and drawn a small parking bay beside the spot, now double yellow-lined, where I used to park my moped under the CCTV camera, as it was safer than leaving it in the underground carpark, where it had been vandalised at a cost of some ?40 or so to me, some while back. I had also, at the time, added the words 'EMPTY' to each of the parking bays that was. Or, rather, to all of the parking bays, except two of them.

Do the words 'dog' and 'manger' spring to anyone's mind?

All of which 'intelligent' behaviour was finally capped when I discovered the note from the housing association, which clearly feels it is a better use of its time to summon me to talk to it than to pick up the phone and ring up someone to get something done about it. Then again, maybe it just doesn't like the idea of paying the bill for cleaning the drain, which, after all, happened becuase of the building work on the new block of flats, allowing huge quantities of sand to be swept into the drain.

Just as well I haven't got an 'artistic licence' for them to confiscate! Ho ho ho. Oh. I am sooooooo amusing, sometimes! I ought to be on stage! Ho ho ho ho ho!

Amazing, isn't it that so many people could fail to achieve something as simple as cleaning a drain! Personally, I'd approach the RA and get them to do something about it. But then, at the last committee meeting I attended, they told me that I don't live there. So it a) isn't something I can do anything about; and b) wasn't me that did it!

Pretty scary, huh?

I'm so glad it's fine weather.

My hands itch! I'm off! I'll probably go and watch my copy of the Monsters Inc vid. It's brilliant!

We don't do anything because we don't care!

Discovered someone had written 'Or remember those that died' beneath my 'Rember those that let it happen... outside the carpark. No idea why. Perhaps they think I'm unaware of the fact that about 3,000 people died. I'm not. I'd just rather the people that are paid to do things do them, rather than leaving them to other people to do, or to be not done at all. I seem to spend almost all my time doing things that other people have been paid to do, but which they are not doing. It's very depressing. It leads one to think that the simplest thing to do is to set up government accounts for all, and, automatically, deposit a set amount of money in them on a regular basis, rather than bother wasting huge amounts interviewing, vetting, torturing, abusing and generally giving a nasty time to the people that all the other people believe it's for.

Special 'hello!' to the folks at Focus magazine. And, hello to Nick, in the unlikely event he should find this page. I look forward to seeing a 'how to pick the religion for me' guide in its pages (or at least an answer to 'Do Christians believe in demons?'), shortly. Sorry the mobile dropped out while talking to the editor - probably those b******s at MI5!

7/9/2

The lengths some people will go to to publicise their websites!!!

Private Eye No. 1062, 6 Sept - 19 Sept, 2002

That PCC letter about the racist cartoon: Letter from Press Complaints Commission.

By the way, the East Anglian Daily Times was happy to publish the quote from the Koran that I selected. It was the first line or two of the chapter headed The Hypocrites. Christians get a free insertion every day. Not sure if there are special discounts for declared atheists. Will ask, later.

5/9/2

Royal Mail replied to me: Letter from Royal Mail.
Enclosed was one book of 12 first class stamps. Skinflints!
Also got notification from Consignia that they will look into this, but have not received notification of the results of their investigations, yet.
Something I found in letterbox on same day. Post-it Not. If you look at the bottom left corner, you will notice that part of the ID number has been removed, by tearing a small square off.

Rang Royal Mail to thank for first, and ask for explanation of second. Was told would call back. No call. Rang back - hold, listened, at length to friendly, if unhelpful idiot, suggested he rang back, he said that that might be quite a good idea and continued talking, returned fire, rang off.

I have bought ten plastic wine goblets, and some 'Fragile' stickers. Will be preparing sticky labels indicating that, if you present the goblet to the relevant sorting office, or going to the Royal Mail web site, they will furnish you, the winner, with a case of Christmas bubbly, as part of its ongoing promotional customer satisfaction drive.

Norfolk Mental Health Care NHS Trust is reported as saying it will be confiscating belts and shoelaces from patients. This follows someone hanging themselves, recently. The reason this is happening is because a relative of the person started a campaign for this measure.

I was told, by staff, at the hospital, when I was there, that it was not so long ago that they used to confiscate the clothes/pyjamas of patients, in order to stop them trying to escape. I was also told that this practice came to an end, because it contravened their human rights, and compromised their dignity. Perhaps wandering around with trousers around one's ankles - sorry, shuffling, so that shoes stay one - is a completely different matter? Then again, perhaps not. I really am sick and tired of seeing these supposedly caring measures instigated because one noisy person is successful in kicking up a fuss. It's just another way of increasing the amount of abuse the already abused suffer. Perhaps, if the supposed 'carer' had cared a bit more about their 'loved' one, they might not have felt like hanging themselves, in the first place? I suppose, if people really do conclude that nobody cares for them, they might like to think that they would be allowed the option of killing themselves, rather than face torture for the rest of their lives? Or am I encroaching upon the euthanasia debate?

It is OK to kill the mentally ill.

It is not OK for the mentally ill to kill themselves.

Funny old world!

I will be writing to my MP about this.

Got a reply back from the Press Complaints Commission, regarding EDP's cartoon. They found in favour of the EDP, on the grounds that the only person likely to be offended by the cartoon would be Robert Mugabe. Rather disappointing, quite frankly. Not quite racist enough, perhaps? Will post a scan of the reply, later. Previous complaint was rejected on the grounds that 'the majority' of people would not be offended by the headline 'INSANE!'. Presumably, the PCC think people feel the same way about the cartoon - irrespective of how Mr Mugabe might feel?

Sorry for prolonged absence, have been doing massive clean-up to get rid of (finally) a carpet that I suspect of housing billions of dust mites and causing skin problem. Hands have taken a bit of a hammering, with all cleaning fluids used and dust/dust mite/dust mite excrement raised. Am hopeful will improve greatly, in very near future. Where can I put that? Where can I put this? Job begets job begets job.

Bought a ?6 radio from Big W the other day, as it has _all_ (at least nine) shortwave bands, and three FM. Was hoping it would pick up Air and Marine bands. Sadly, it does not, but am having fun listening to the police. Was reminded, by officer at recruitment fair, that it is not illegal to listen, only to act upon what you hear. Takes me back to my childhood, listening to a little Pye radio, with oversize earplug with twisty leads! You can't get the police on many normal radios, these days, as the band doesn't stretch far enough. One or two interesting cases, but am not at liberty to divulge details. You can also find out who's ordering taxis!

Any English ex-pat Australians need any extra hot curry paste sent to them? Just drop me a line! (Apparently, rather hard to find, there!).

Benefits Agency, opposite my flat, has been installing new office space. Temporary (ho ho) for one year, while they 'refurbish' the existing office space. No idea what will require a whole year to refurbish. Asbestos, perhaps? Can I expect a lungful, shortly? 14 bays of portakabin, two stories tall! You can only begin to imagine what must be going through the minds of those using its services! Perhaps they could put up similar portakabins for the homeless, thereby obviating the need for a dozen or so BA office staff? Or, perhaps they could share the money that would have been used for that out among the clients, resulting in a similar saving on staff? It's when you see things like this happen that you begin to question the whole basis for charity and benefits systems. They seem to exist more for the wonderfully satisfying career they provide for a personal empire builder's staff than for those that they are supposed to be serving - rather like the Royal Mail Customer Services department!

Wonder what they'll be using the extra space for, in a couple of years' time, when they've decided it's actually permanent?

Am planning some sort of Sept 11 demo. May chalk something like 'Remember those that let it happen' on the pavement.

Curious! There appears to have been a large peak in hits for my site, yesterday. Wonder why.

23/8/2

Couple of letters I've been meaning to add to the site:

Complaint about behaviour of manager of Natural World: Letter to Natural World. No reply, yet.

Complaint to Royal Mail about the fact that they never bother to try to raise me, if there's an oversize parcel, or something that needs signing for (together with threat of direct action): Letter to Royal Mail. No reply to this one, either, though it may be a little early, yet.

Letter to The Independent on Sunday, offering a contribution for its mental health campaign: Letter to Jeremy Laurance. Never got a reply. Think it was too busy quoting celebrities and disgruntled former chief executives of psychiatric hospitals. Will have to look out for his book, when it is published, shortly.

Updated photo of me: Pic of me. Machine very kindly gave me two for the price of one! And I definitely think I'll need an estimate!

Have told Job Centre am going to raise my sights! Duly asked them whether they had any vacancies, on their computer, for astronauts. Told them I was certain I had it in me, and that all I needed was a chance. Just a chance. Just a chance to prove it. Or possibly to be a fighter pilot. Nothing on their system. Guess I'll just have to sign on, again, in two weeks, unless there are any unplanned launches requiring a stand-in in the meantime. And still no work in espionage, either. Rats!

19/8/2

Made a 'nudge box' for my solar powered plant turner, last night. Simple two-way power supply that lets me kick in batteries for the half rotation or so that it might take to show the underside of the geranium leaves to the diffuse light, once the sun has gone past the wall. Had stopped in the same place a few times, and was developing a lean!

Couple of letters:

Reply from Littlewoods, which I think has been in my bag for about a month, now, regarding appalling behaviour of staff and manager at Norwich branch: Letter from Littlewoods.

Reply from Press Complaints Commission, re: offensive EDP cartoon. Letter from PCC. Just a standard form letter, really.

EADT has refused to carry 'general announcement' bearing my web address for reasons unclear. I think they just plain didn't like me. Which was a shame, because they carried a general announcement with it in, last week, quite happily. This, however, was said to be 'an oversight'. As, presumably, was taking my money. It is currently playing with the idea of a general announcement quoting the Koran, on Hypocrites. However, this may yet turn out to be 'too inflammatory' towards another religion (specifically, presumably, Christians). Next ish: F = m.a. (Or F = mu.R ( Chappaquidditch!)).

Can anyone explain any of the following terms to me:

'Remedial therapy';
'Plush and private';
'Luxury parlour';
'Discreet. No rush.';
'Swedish remedial'.

I have absolutely no idea what these terms mean. Found them in the 'Personal' section of the EADT's classified section. The Classified Manager did mention something about 'applicable for all age groups', so I can only assume they are something to do with marriage guidance or social guidance, or finding pen pals for children, or some such. They must be a conscientious bunch, in Ipswich, when it comes to family relations, because, on the day that they refused to carry my general announcement, the facing page had a story about a lady complaining about a 'sex shop' (whatever that is) being opened there.

Wonder if the EDP is still selling sexist birthday cards in its lobby?

Do you know, they check all the phone numbers that they put into the EADT, to see if there's anyone there that might say something that is 'not applicable for all age groups'. Aren't they good?

15/8/2

Replacement solar radiometer doesn't work. Wasn't turning in shadow, as last one was, and, when placed in direct sun turned slowly for a while, then stopped! Fun fun fun!

I appear to have definitely won another prize! Anything from ?500 upwards!

Lucky.

Have just found the kind of site I was looking for, a while back. Never did know the mnemonic for the planets: Mnemonics site.

14/8/2

Boycott the EDP!

Yesterday, the EDP carried a wholly unacceptable cartoon, by Hall. I rang the publisher, my MP, and chalked 'Boycott the EDP!' outside newsagents. Curiously, of the seven visitors Bravenet attributes to my site, yesterday, four of them came from the EDP. One branch of WH Smith washed away one of the inscriptions (though, curiously, not the second). As I happened to be passing, afterwards, I chalked 'Boycott WHS!' beneath the wet patch. All the paper has done, so far, is publish a letter stating that the cartoon 'added nothing to the debate', which I take to be a considerable usage of understatement. Wonder what happened to the circulation of the EDP? I have just completed a form for the Press Complaints Commission (Section 13(i), discrimination), and will be posting it, today.

Later, chalked 'Why does this happen at 6?' by the bins waiting to be emptied in St John St. Personally, I have no idea why industrial estates, with nobody to wake up, get collections at midday, but housing estates, which do, get them at 6am.

Solar powered plant turner turns at one revolution every two mins (in hazy sun - might do fractionally better if no cloud at all).

Forgot to mention that I chalked 'TACKY' in front of street sign recently added to Castle Meadow, which has two rather curious fonts used right in the middle of the standard street sign font. - We gotta DTP system 'n' we gunna use it!'.

Have posted PCC letter: Proof of posting.

Am about to find an address for the incoming archbish, to try to establish his position on demons, etc. Profitable, I should imagine!

Wonder how many grants, and how many followers, I'd get, if I were to set up a religion based entirely on the belief that there existed demons, and a devil, and excluded the idea that there were any angels, or munificent god? How come Gabriel and Satan get names, but not demons?

Have also sent complaint to head office of Natural World. Bought a solar radiometer (inverted lightbulb shaped vacuum with four square vanes inside that rotate in sun). When I got it home, found base was very squiffy, and in danger of breaking tip off sealing tube. Area manager of shop behaved abysmally. Proof of posting. Letter, and scan of any response, later!

Have just emailed the incoming archbish: Email the incoming archbishop. Archbish dude's web site. Watch this space!

Signing off, for today,
Your pal,
Lucky.

12/8/2

Spider go left!

See! If you pull its legs off, it goes deaf!

Have finally got around to scanning in my beautiful spider! Bella! Bella!

Also, some letters I've been meaning to add:

Letter from Dr Ian Gibson, MP, who won the Golden Snitch award following NORCI's AGM, last year: Letter from Dr Gibson, MP.

Riposte from Argos, re: grinder: letter from Argos.

NMHC's theory on email: letter from NMHC. Had to go up to sorting office yet again to fetch this, as no stamp on it. Hence, cost to me: ?0.99p. PO says will not ring on doorbell to offer payment there and then, any more. Am beginning to wonder whether it believes it enters into a contract when a person buys a stamp from it! Unfortunately, NMHC's letter does not appear to state national NHS policy, as promised! (As if NMHC considers itself to be part of the NHS, anyway!).

Have spoken to a chap called Stephen Nash, at Amstrad (01277 208 411 (direct)), who says that this is, in all likelihood, a load of dingos' kidneys. He has passed the query on to his technical department, to confirm, and I will post letter, or report of response, when it arrives.

My dad is going deaf! He has tried a number of hearing aids, but they all seem to merely amplify sound in an area of his hearing spectrum that is useless to him, ie: a total waste of time. It occurred to me that it might be possible, either with simple pitch shifting, or, possibly, more complex DSP, to alter the pitch of key sounds to an area of the spectrum that his ears are sensitive to. I spose it's possible that the shift required might render the sounds unintelligible (ie: the 'sss' sound is high frequency, but could become, say, an 'oo' or 'aaah' if shifted to far), or one could, I suppose, turn 'sss's into 'zzz's? Anyone know enough about this to comment?

My hearing, it appears, is in pretty good shape. Took back a tuning fork (high 'E' on guitar), after comparing it with an electronic guitar tuner. It was out by 'one cent' (minimum possible error - not sure what that is, precisely, in terms of octaves, or Hertz). Funnily enough, I'd always felt uncomfortable with its pitch. That said, I think it's unlikely that I've acquired perfect pitch this late in life! Think it was probably drips of lacquer on the tips of the prongs over the bluing - pretty stupid, really!

Down with protest!

Some wag has painted 'Clean me!' on the pavement beside the blocked drain I can see from my window! The drain has been bothering me for over a year, now, so am pleased to see it! Perhaps the newly elected committee of the residents' association, about which we all know nothing, so far, will finally get around to doing something useful - doubt it, mind.

Taking the lead, I have chalked a message beneath a banner strung across the front of City Hall, reading 'Bidding to be European Capital of Culture 2008'. Now, this seemed extraordinarily sad, to me. If for no other reason than the fact that it might take so long to get there. It read:

SAD!

AND MORE THAN A LITTLE HOPEFUL!
Honestly! Why do we pay these people?
Why they can't get on with putting people into houses, and cleaning the streets, I don't know! Mutter mutter mutter...

I had no sooner finished than some little tyke on a mini scooter rode right over it! Some people just can't spot culture when it's right under their noses!

Later, went to mini square, where Sally Army was rattling tins (ought to learn to put in ?800,000 bids!) to gay music of electric street organ. Chalked:

'Charity hands control of resources for the needy to the rich in front of their sign reading 'Sharing is caring'.

Then added:

There are no demons!
(Unless we need a new roof for our church!)

And walked off. I expect the people in Africa they were 'collecting for' will be pleased to know that Norwich will, once again, have delightful brass band music, come Christmas, and can, whenever, enjoy the merry tinkle of a street organ!

Later still, went back to same spot, where expensive street organ, belonging to Sally Army, was being packed up, and found statue of one Mr Brown, philosopher. Strained to read inscription (and promptly forgot it), and then chalked footprints from base of statue to door of McDonald's, then back to base of statue (with slightly larger prints). Was rather hampered, in the course of doing this by trendy schoolkids, who habitually gather there, dressed in black, etc, asking footling questions. As it was obvsioulsy art, I told them to get out of the way. As I got to the bin, a bunch of non-aligned (presumably) Christians, led by a local ex-freemason, began singing 'Cumbayah' or some near modern equivalent and clapping. Pity the art wasn't terribly original. John Cleese once painted luminous footprints from statue at his school to toilets and back again. Didn't feel like trying to indicate that! Even if Mickey D does mainly provide high class facilities of that nature for rebellious vegetarian types!

Added:

mm mm mmm!
can't wait
for that
CHOLERA!

beneath blocked drain.

Rain and traffic have since got all three 'installations'!

Guestbook is found at foot of page!

Happy New Year, everybody!

QED

8/8/2

Under the circumstances, considering what I wrote a day or so ago, I ought to post condolences to the Blair family. - Very sorry to hear the news! Had absolutely no idea. And was (and still am) completely unaware of which part of France the sprogs are in. To have posted that, knowingly, would have consituted a ghastly, and tasteless, joke, and would not be something I would advocate.

One never knows who might look. However, one can establish, if one's quick, who has done so. Got an entry in my 'Last 50 visitors' list indicating a parliamentary portal, the other day! (Click on site stats button, at foot of page, to find, and click 'Last 50' in menu panel to left - parliamentary entry dropped off the bottom, a while back). Can't say I expected royalty to provide me with material, either!

Merry Christmas, everybody!!!!

Please excuse tasteless private family joke!

AmDram outside, this morning as some pleb complaining vociferously, and at considerable length, outside Benefits Agency. Don't know how these plebs get past the palace guards! I'll probably have to step over her on the way home, later! Personally, I blame this sort of thing on the use of glass walls, which encourage the people behind them to take a 'yah boo sucks!' attitude to dealing with their customers. Ain't no harm gonna come to you!

Bought a solar plant turner, as, being not a pleb, I don't have the need to rise until late - sometimes the sun has completely disappeared by the time I get up. Geranium plant caught a case of caterpillars, the other day. No idea how, as I'm on the fourth floor! After plucking, leaf by leaf, for a while, concluded the only foolproof system was to prune right back to nothing. Nascent foliage is, cussidly, leaning to light. Sadly, blasted solar panel doesn't work, so will have to take back. I am beginning to lose track of the number of products I have had to take back, for one reason or another, lately. I think I may try to get a job with 'Which' magazine!

You can call me 'Lucky'!

Am waiting for a letter, in post, expaining NHS policy on caller ID blocking. Am also waiting for letter from Amstrad, explaining how necessary (or otherwise) caller ID is for the operation of an Amstrad Emailer Plus. This was cited as sole reason for NMHC refusing donation of an Amstrad emailer for use of patients on acute wards. Will post scans, as and when.

If there turns out to be a way round this, will offer same again, later. If not, am entirely confident that NHS will, itself, enter the 21st century, and grant patients the use of email, in the same way as many other people, as it currently does use of the phone, fax, and letters.

Perhaps three weeks was a slight underestimate. Four, perhaps?

Mind you, Norfolk & Norwich hospital has (or had) a problem with simple telephones, so perhaps that might be too much to ask. Obviously does't affect star ratings. And, clearly, not the sort of thing that would prevent award of glorious (and profitable) third star. NMHC only got one star, anyway, so it probably doesn't care. NORCI got ?150,000 for a computing centre, and totally failed to offer working email to its clients for several months - may still be the case!

Luddites!

Spect the patients will, in any case, be able to get Section 17 leave to go to the library to email the necessary people. - Mainly for those non-essential things, like benefits, housing, Mental Health Review Tribunals, etc.

Did I ever make it clear that the reason people get stuck in there for so long is the bed-blocking activities of the City Council, which is so inefficient it can't, or won't, find housing for people? The only reason I went into a hostel, and was there for five months, was that City Hall said no house was available. ?50,000 per bed per year, it costs to keep people in there! And, while I hated it, and consider myself to have accrued zero benefit from the experience, there are actually people that want to go in there, so that they don't top themselves! Rather thought provision of an emailer, thereby cutting number of useless calls, might speed things up! Watch this space! Even if it only gets a person out two days earlier, it might save a life! And, at about ?100 or so per day, could pay for itself in the course of an afternoon!

It's easy to play the numbers game, I suppose...

3/8/2

Link to Symon Price's online anti-psychiatry chat transcription: www.btinternet.com/~symonprice/chatroom.html. It's down the page a little way.

Crash at Lowestoft airshow, yesterday. Pilot ejected safely when curtseying at 50ft and power failed! Currently possible to see pics, story, at EDP web site: www.edp24.co.uk. Specific link is: http://www.edp24.co.uk/content/news/newsStory.asp?Brand=EDPONLINE&Category=NEWS&ItemId=NOED02+Aug+2002+16%3A28%3A58%3A453. But am not sure this will a) work at all; or b) be there for very long. Will remove this link, later.

In the mundane world, a shelf fell of the wall in the Norwich Library, yesterday. U-channel rail pulled out of wall by weight of books. Only six screws into wall. Consequently, entire wall of shelving cordoned off with hi-vis red and white tape, until examined and fixed. Reckon they should ask for their money back! It's brand new!

Last month's total bandwidth used: 222.66Mb, = 7.18Mb/day. This month, 8.81Mb/day, making 26.5Mb. Today, so far, 25.3Mb. No idea where it's all going!

2/8/2

Just quick note to say am not dead! Am merely tied up spending employment case money.

Bookcase from Argos had slot too small for drawer base. ?10 Black & Decker Workmate needed hole drilling out to get bolt through. Radiator had to be returned for replacement, as control panel smashed.

Am thoroughly sick and tired of having to return faulty goods. You can call me 'Lucky'!

Have got more data from NORCI, including letter from Dr Ian Gibson, MP, to Alan Holland, written immediately after last, and disastrous AGM, which reveals that Dr Gibson merely felt that the situation wasn't bad enough to merit his resigning his 'titular' role. Not quite sure what would have to happen for that to be the case, but there you go. Scan later.

Muddy waters

NORCI sunk to new all-time low of pettiness, with provision of promo video, in which I appear. Having trogged, yet again, to the postal depot, to pick up something that nobody bothered to ring for (wrote a letter for depot manager - expect reply, soon!), I eagerly revved up my vid. Imagine my disappointment to see about 1.5 seconds of footage, including my head, arm, almost the whole of me (at one point) and a surround of smudges. Do you know what they had done? They had actually gone to the trouble of getting somebody to 'muddy' the footage surrounding me, and had clipped everything else out. I've no idea what they thought I was going to do with the thing. As I understand it, they may, just, be within the letter of the law, as I may only be entitled to that data that relates to me. However, considering the probable use - ie: complaining about them using me to promote themselves as a beacon of shininess, I think I may, yet, be able to make a good case to the Information Commissioner that I ought to be entitled to the remaining data within individual frames, purely for contextual purposes - in order that I may 'understand' the data. Personally, I think this is a perfectly sensible use of the taxpayer's money, and exactly the sort of behaviour one should expect from a charity charged with looking after people's mental health. Quite why they felt unable to part with the whole video, which would have taken them about 10 seconds to put into the post, and cost about 80p, I don't know. Presumably they just like the idea of squandering time and resources on somebody else's video editing suite? Well - there you go - I'm about to give them the opportunity to do it again!

Am making daring bid to force change in the communications rights of psychiatric patients! - More later! Expect complete decommissioning of entire psychiatric empire within the next three weeks.

This, however, it can safely be revealed, involved a visit to the premises of Hellesdon Hospital. I can confirm, without doubt, that the ship is, indeed, unhappy! I rather think one or two staff are proposing supplying the chief exec with some glue and cut-out stars, by way of leaden hint.

Scandal!

Visit reveals that some staff have lost jobs at NMHC for accessing 'inappropriate material' on the internet!

Wensum Workshops (NMHC in-house rehab) currently labouring under belief that it will become 'social firm', possibly relocated to centre of city. Suggestion was that it only had another two years left. However, it was made clear that the only reason for this labour was that nobody was telling them what they were really planning to do! Am expecting Farm Group to produce good crop of mushrooms, this year - quite possibly, if rumours have any foundation, growing in places that might reasonably be expected to be sterile.

Lloyd Grossman's bean sandwiches suck, apparently.

Shop has moved, and, miracle of miracles, a newspaper was available. As was a toothbrush. There was one newspaper on the shelf, and one toothbrush. At least you don't have to take your life in your hands trying to cross the busy road to get the paper, while zonked out of your mind!

No sign of promised ?250+ prize. Had rather hoped that the package that turned out to be from NORCI might be it. Sadly, not. Will, therefore, be paying a visit to the DTI web site to explore its new campaign against rogue competition runners. As flat becomes tidier, with new storage boxes, bookcase, files, etc, it is possible that certificate of posting will surface, by process of natural archaeology, and will be able to confront 'villains' of the piece.

Apologies for not posting link to Ritalin chat, was too busy. Symon Price, who was running it, will be posting a transcript, at some stage. He should be getting a link to me. Meantime, there is a link to his site on my links page.

Muddy waters II

Have bought a copy of the Koran, for the purpose of comparing demons. Quite fun! This clarifies that djinn (and djinee - excuse possible confusion - haven't established whether this is pluralisation or feminisation) are open to the same fate as men (and women) - ie: going to heaven or hell. Unlike, presumably, angels and demons, which are in one place or another. Also, it refers to 'a demon among the djinn' in one place, suggesting more differentiation, again.

The Koran is interesting in its structure. According to the translator, it puts the longest chapters first. Obviously dealing with the more insane parts first! Curiously, the chapter entitled 'Man' right towards the end, and very short. 'Women' is much earlier in the book. There's also one called 'Men', which duplicity confuses things.

It also looks like it'll be a lot more interesting to read than the bible. It's sort of structured by subject, rather than by period or author. However, the style is rather wandering, and the body copy appears to bear little relation, in some cases, to the title of the chapter. - These are just first impressions, you understand!

No word, yet, on my ?10m bid for my new palace and place of worship - probably some minor queries regarding the detail. Still, I got the bid in on time, and expect they will iron out footling details with me at a later stage. Some people just don't understand how to handle deadlines! What you do is ignore them, and protest innocence later. Some have said that this sort of gamesmanship is unfair on the less experienced bidders, and not the way to run a county's budget. However, these people never get any money, so they don't count.

Am expecting some info breaking down religion and ethnicity with publication of census. This is due to start very soon, with further releases in December and Spring. Am hoping this will show, numerically, how much buck per bang the various religions are getting (or what sort of funding per follower). Personally, I suspect it is time to usurp church property and turn it into national monuments run for more profitable tourism purposes, there being a greater number of atheists than any other religion, and the religious sets having disowned the larger part (or very nearly) of their credo. I suppose I could just sit outside the cathedrals (we have C of E and Catholic, here) and do a head count, of a Sunday. And then, maybe, do the same outside B&Q, Do It All, etc.

Wonder where Tony Blair will be going for his summer holiday, this year? 'We go to Tuscany for the olive oil!'

Or am I wrong in thinking that Christians all deny demons? But not the Devil. Yet. - Yessirree! Get your ticket to the Kingdom of Heaven, here! Places guaranteed! Places sitting next to St Peter always available, but slightly dearer. And, by the way, we need a new roof, please, if it's not too much to ask! It's not the lead people have stolen, it's the gold!

Or perhaps the Blairs would favour a trip to the Champagne region, for its particularly brand of Christianity?

Trebles all round, I think!

Expect complete decommissioning of the Roman Catholic empire within three weeks. And the same of the remainder of the Christian empire, too!

Am seriously considering producing a table that will allow you to compare the relative merits of signing up to any given religion, a la Cosmo. Might even list expected financial, employment, and similar secular benefits, while on Earth. And, naturally, it would have to include the downsides - cold churches, demons, social restrictions (no booze, etc), holy olive oil down the trousers. Comparative punishments for failure to adhere (money for new church roof, new schools, etc). Suppose I could add science, too, viz: 'Failure to adhere: car skids off bridge into river, when driven too fast on icy road.' Failure to adhere II: no more money for brain scanners, or other techniques that reveal just what chemicals a brain is short or long on, and where they might have come from, or gone to, and why!

26/7/2

100,000!

Official word count, for this site, today, 100,120 words, according to my search engine spider (prior to adding this paragraph): www.whatuseek.com. Stratospheric! Ave bandwidth used, per day, this month, 8.33Mb. Total b/w used this month, 216.78Mb. Today, so far (UK time, 2.12pm), 25Mb. Am feeling justifiably proud to be considerable net contributor to internet!

Have received word of an online discussion about Ritalin, the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder drug, that is to take place next Tuesday, from 8pm. Am seeking permission to publicise the address, at present. Anyone interested can email me. Anyone interested can also go to the following web site: www.wildestcolts.com, which is an anti-biomedical industry web site that includes material on ADHD and psychiatry in general run by a doctor from Texas.

Norfolk Police managed to lose a police car, yesterday! Left the keys in, while they went to deal with something, and came back to find it gone.

Have been to station, this morning, with business proposition. Two key rings on coily plastic strings, one each for each officer involved, with key fob bearing the words:

This crime prevention
intiative is sponsored by
www.jeremyjones.0catch.com
Making Norfolk key fobs

and suggested that they might like to display one of my business cards in the window of the squad car. Assured them that I would not expect them, in any way, to be swayed by such a munificent gift.

They declined. I left. I remembered something. I returned. And told them that someone had stolen another ashtray from my corridor, making a total of 41 missing. I happily held my hands up to it, however, and said that, when the police officers had visited me about it, they had told me, quite clearly, that it was foolish of me to leave something where it could, so easily, be stolen, and that it had been very foolish of me to ignore such sensible advice, and that the theft was, quite clearly, my fault. Asked the officer whether I couldn't tempt her to a key fob. Declined. Left.

Anyone want a couple of official Norfolk Police squad car key reminder key rings? Will post one each to first two emails requesting.

By the way, does anyone out there know what has to happen in order for this country to get a new House of the monarchy (eg: Tudor, Windsor, Saxe-Coburg Goethe). Just curious to know how this comes about - or how we got the current one, for instance. Willy, Willy, Harry, Ste', Harry, Dick, John, something, something...not sure it ryhmes much, by the time you get to Liz 'Two'.

Have been hunting the music and lyrics to the haunting tune played on the record player on the ward in 'One flew over the cuckoo's nest', since I heard the same tune used in a WWII war movie, in which the same song was being sung to provide cover while planning escapes, etc. Was curious to know what the lyrics might be, and how it could find its way into two such disparate films. Heard it, again, a week or two back, in a Snoopy cartoon, where one character described it as 'Charmaine', put it on, and they all danced to it and fell about laughing. So, was even more curious. I think I've found it. Tried ordering a copy, but it's out of print. If I'm right, it's called 'Charmaine!', and was written by Erno Rapee and Lew Pollack, in 1927, Publ: Sherman, Clay & Co. Here's a site that has some lyrics for it: www.thepeaches.com/music.com/music/frank/Charmaine.txt. Can't seem to get it to scan, in my mind, so am not sure I've found the right one. Anyone able to help? Will try local music shop Prelude Records, for recordings.

25/7/2

Duly donated fat analyser to NMHC NHS Trust last night. Place has changed somewhat, since I was last there. Now has a shop, which sells newspapers (had to cross road to garage before - no pedestrian crossing - ideal for those on psychoactive medicine!). Usual corridor blocked by works, so let myself in, via the laundry door, to Ward 12. This is now a rehab ward, not an acute ward. Left analyser with them, anyway. Am sincerely hoping that this marks the start of a march on NORCI's rehab offerings, and that the company will perish, horribly, withering in the face of actual competition. Ward 12 acute, has, apparently, been 'redistributed' among wards of lower plateau. In other words, it's been closed. Now, less acute beds.

Norfolk Mental Health Care NHS Trust has achieved a massive one star in NHS performance review. Chief exec, Ms Pat Holman, on radio, this morning, managed, merely, to sound trite and naive. Still, better than the soft soap of some other execs that had been rounded up. Overall, mental health trusts appear to be underperforming, compared to general trusts, with fewer achieving higher star ratings. Check out tables at: http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-files/Society/documents/2002/07/24/nhsratings.pdf for DOH PDF document - see the 39th page of the document (page number 33, as it is numbered in the document itself) for NHMC. Or, get an Excel spreadsheet from the DOH, at: www.doh.gov.uk/performanceratings/2002/summary_prtable.xls See Row 78 of the MH sheet for NMHC.

These tables indicate considerable staff dissatisfaction (1 out of 5), and sickness absence rates. And, got a 2 for preventing suicides, CPA, and junior doctors' hours. Not a happy ship!

Personally, after what I saw, while I was there, I am surprised it got a star at all!

Am very surprised by 5 rating for information governance, after it took so long to get data out of it. Similarly, that it passed cleanliness check - after seeing blood on walls for several days, used sanitary towels left lying around, food left on floor all day, slops buckets on food trollies, etc.

Went to have a chat with the remains of the former Ward 12, Acute. Found a familiar face, said 'hello!', mentioned the NORCI settlement, and told them that, if it was more appropriate, they could fight Ward 12 for the donation, later.

24/7/2

Here's some more Social Services data on me. It indicates just who was making the running in the build-up to my being Sectioned, in 1999. Soc Servs Contacts diary (670kb, 37 pages of A4). Wish they'd check their facts! And I'd consider it to be 'long, varied, and detailed', too!

Thought I'd just post this before proceeding with Request for Analysis from Information Commissioner, re: City & County, which is now outside 40 working days.

Found a body fat analyser in Maplin, for ?10. Have bought one for myself, to keep tabs on things, and one for Hellesdon Hospital - for it to keep tabs on things - weight gain is the most common side-effect of psyhchoactive drugs. Unfortunately, this may well require them to actually weigh their patients, if they wish to use it. This could a) be a strain on the nurses (who never seemed to weigh anybody, while I was there) and b) entertaining if someone who isn't who they claim to be should turn up, there. No idea how what percentage of body fat Chris Wheal's 'wife' has, but would be prepared to bet it's pretty variable. Nothing personal. Just measured my own fat content. Assumed weight of 74kg. Height 181cm, age 37. I am, apparently, 21.0% fat. Analyser rated this 2 on scale of 5 (low to high) - am 'healthy'. Will have to try this at different times of day, as it varies: morning; noon; evening; and maybe after a bath or a meal!

Wonder if it'll ever be a crime to personate a journalist's wife? Probably not! Probably only important to this country that no-one personates an estate agent, customs officer or police officer! Doctors are clearly a separate case - they (or people pretending to be them) can have whomever they like locked up whenever they like without a trial, and, as such, do not enter the equation.

Another busy day, today, in terms of bandwidth used, so far, according to 0catch:

Hits/Page views: 19
Unique Visitors: 5
Bandwidth used: 25.51Mb!!!!! (812kb to 11 users, yesterday)

Pretty impressive draw from such a small number of users! Am expecting more, as result of today's soc servs data - am beginning to suspect data being syphoned by a class, somewhere!

Site content now just shy of 100,000 words, by about 600 words, according to spidering engine that produces search engine for me.

Completely bonkers!

23/7/2

Have found template for internal star globe that you can hold over your head, with holes punched in it, so that you can see what you would see (whereas external globe rather trickier to use, requiring a degree of visualisation - although has calculator, so indicates what when). Will need large quantities of card and glue to do (probably permanent spray mount, methinks), so will do some time later. Pic of internal star globe. May try to add 'equator' section(s) from Southern hemisphere to a slightly larger scale model, for full Norwich view (52N). From 'Make it Work, Space'; by David Glover; Publ: Two-Can/Watts, 1995; ISBN: 1-85434-318-1; Price: ?8.99 official, but ?1 from Poundland. Two-Can Publishing, 346, Old Street, London, EC1V 9NQ.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER

The escape ladder describe in the previous day's entry really is only intended for one use, as a last-ditch solution, in emergencies, and should NOT be used by people as a general purpose rope ladder, or plaything - even if it appears to work as such!

Other matters

Information Commissioner about to sit on NORCI. Letter from Information Commissioner.

May be time to review the case of City & County Estate Agents, whose 40 days may be up, by now (re: data).

Will try to get around to writing to new archbish of C to establish position on demons.

Had Princess Alexandra (Patron, Mind) here, in Norwich, on Sunday, visiting Cathedral (the pretty one) - probably just let herself in! Honestly! You'd think they owned the place!

Have applied to Council for funds for new personal palace and place of worship for new religion. Haven't set out the entirety of its agenda, yet. Bit complex. Particularly in regard to beliefs. Of any kind. But especially demons. But will definitely be very popular. And expensive. Put in initial bid for ?10m. Will happily make 'significant adjustment' later, if embezzlement/fraud etc during normal course of operation should occur. Am, therefore, about to put contract for all building operations out to tender - please email for application forms, tendering rules, advice on application procedure, etc. Employment opportunities will be posted in due course. Previous applicants need not reapply, as all such correspondence held over, and will be considered automatically. This is an equal opportunities employer, and personal beliefs will not be held against any applicant. Suggestions for official uniforms and logo gratefully recieved. Understand that a 'cross' is out, as taken by some other, competing agency.

22/7/2

Mick paid a visit to Norwich the other day. Have managed to find web site - even has a cute little animation of alleged police vehicle: Mondeopart (www.mondeopart.co.uk). Phone number, writ bold on tail and nose, is 01603 866 999.

Have made quick and dirty emergency escape ladder: How to make a cheap escape ladder (185kb).

Bought different grinder, for ?18 from Machine Mart www.machinemart.co.uk, which seems to work more happily - everything that should be sharp, now sharp, and one or two items that need not, too: Pic of new grinder.

Added toy fountain to sitting room, to produce cheerful gurgly noises and possiby humidify summer air. It leaks through the bottom, and splashes water everywhere. Motor also rather noisy - possibly very early wear. ?10 from Debenham. Fountainette. Sounds nice and gurgly, though!

Fingertips now sore on left hand, as bought ?45 guitar with which to murder some popular classics. Am expecting police to launch hunt for the person repsonsible for agonising death of nearby residents shortly. Bought Heriba (or some similar spelling) tuner pipes. Two dead, one out of tune. Took back to 'Music Room', which had duff till so had only issued business card, and which, in any case, refused to refund ?5. Placed alleged tuner on their doorstep and stamped on it three times. Asked for pan and brush. None forthcoming, so swept up into bag and binned it. The customer is always wrong.

Guitar keeps going out of tune after about one or two songs. Am beginning to suspect it has a better idea of how long I should be playing for than myself! Am pleasantly surprised with how much I remember!

That wayward letter from Social Services, complete with erroneous address: Letter from Fowlup.

By the way, I noticed, while playing with a pair of magnets, which I placed in my wallet for safe-keeping, that some 'copper' coins are magnetic, while some are not. Presumably cost-cutting measure? Anyone know when they came in?

Next wacky project: am getting ready to paint myself into a corner with varnish.

19/7/2

Just an experimental WinZip file, now that elapsed time appears to have confirmed clearance of cheque for upgrade to this site: A collection of letters relating to freedom of speech and some emails (540kb WinZip file, 110 files, expanding to 1.58Mb).

Have complained to police about tick in press release field. They said: 1) don't know how that got there; 2) you've got to understand that we want things publicised to prevent crime; 3) you ought to make a point of asking people not to tick the box when dealing with police staff and 4) that they weren't going to go and find out how this had come about.

I repeated that I had never been asked for permission, in any encounter with police. Suggested that as a journalist, I appeared to have greater obligations not to prejudice any given case than they (Inspector David Ball) did.

This is an issue that has been bothering me for some time - particularly in view of increased internet activity. If the justice system of this country cannot ensure a fair and just trial of all that pass through it, when so much information is so readily available, in advance, I believe that we will suffer from some fairly fundamental problems, as a country. I look forward to seeing the results of any discussions that may ensue. It appears to be all too easy to, more or less, get or let someone off simply by spoiling a trial. I wonder how this impacts on the double jeopardy issue? I'd certainly be very disappointed if the powers that be were attempting to write off the one pillar because of an inability to maintain another!

Have found metal 'staples' that you can squeeze round two strands of rope in boat shop. Will be making tool to apply them (by grinding semicircular groove in each jaw of a pair of ?1 pliers), and testing a couple of joints to see if they'll take my weight. At 8p each, should make for cheap solution to emergency escape ladder. ?3 for 30m of 6mm rope from hardware store.

RAC membership pack arrived, today. For some reason, they seem to think my most pressing requirements of them are: 1) a slide the hole round the square puzzle; 2) a plastic poncho; 3) a bag of six boiled sweets; 4) a notepad; and one or two other useless items. No map. Hope the pickups are better!

Today's EDP's personal ads section has colour pic ad from an 'introduction agency', together with its web address, and a two-colour ad for another, also with its web address. Presumably, they provide an introduction service for all members of the family. Not particularly keen on posting them, here, to be honest. One of the agencies also seems to be the sponsor of the 'Leisure' section of the small ads. Must be hard work checking through all such web sites! Wonder if you need a password? Another 'matching' agency's ad, with no web address, appears to be run by one 'Margaret Hunter-Prinz'.

Now, call me cynical, but I would, at the very least, wish to check whether such a person really existed - particularly the day after a visit by the Queen. It's quite possible that this is just another one of those delightful employment coincidences, such as my receiving letters from a Sergeant Sweeney, an Inspector Pincher, and finding myself talking to a police officer on the day that the papers print a story describing the discovery of a large hoard of lawnmowers by one Sergeant Barber. But I'd want to be sure. Perhaps I should have complete faith in the scruples of the money-driven advertising department, there?

18/7/2

Patient not responding well!

Archant, the publisher of the EDP and the Evening News, has refused to take a small ad from me, on the grounds that my web site is 'not suitable for families'. It did not say why it believed this to be the case.

In the foyer of Prospect House, one can purchase lurid, sexist birthday cards. In the personal columns, one can find text and phone numbers to call for 'friendship and more'.

I am not certain that this vetting is a service that they extend to all of their potential advertisers, but have asked the publisher, Barry Dennis. I can only assume that some poor soul has to ring every single lonely heart in the county, to check there isn't somebody 'unsuitable for families' at the other end, in order that the company can put its issues to bed.

Will be found dancing on grave of Evening News when it folds (issues seem to be becoming rather thin - obviously missing my advertising - and suffering from a falling readership because of dull PR instead of news!!!!). Also, will have little sympathy (though they are welcome to look at my web site for legal advice) for any journalists that find themselves 'redundant' when the company decamps, to who knows where, from its current site, to make room for a hotel with a view.

Dear Sir...

My social worker, Peter Fowler, sent the last invitation to a Care Programme Approach meeting (sort of a follow-on from the legally required Section 117, MHA 83, meetings) to a neighbour. I'm sure they were entirely baffled by a request to attend such a meeting, and were more than a little amused to find themselves presented with information regarding the mental health of one of their close neighbours. Mr Fowler's 'apology' was worded thus: 'Duh!'.

Would you care to say a few words...

Have got word back from police, re: DPA. Apparently, it is policy to ask all IPs (injured parties) whether they wish to have their traumatic incident press released by the constabulary. Personally, in all the many, lengthy, and varied encounters I have had with the police, I have never once been asked whether I wish this to happen. I shall, therefore, be asking how this box managed to become ticked. Letter from police.

What does ?400 of policing buy you?

Have got around to circuitous conversion process facilitated by web page generation on library systems. Why they didn't buy something for simple crop, scale and reformat, I do not know!

Pics of the damage done by the police, and the 'frankly bizarre' appearance of a glove outside my door the following day - anyone know whether this is the sort of thing freemasons do? Pics of door and glove.

What does failing to say you believe in demons buy you?

Took some pics on visit to Bury. Cathedral being enlarged, as Christianity is increasing, massively, in the area. MPs finally got absolutely fed up with the constant deluge of mail asking for millions of pounds to be spent on some new brickwork that will contribute nothing to housing them during worship, but might increase advertising, or, possibly, tuppeny trips up the tower. Work in progress.

What does a ticket to Cromer buy you?

Went to Cromer, today, by train, to escape royal visit. Sat in cafe and drank tea and coffee, wrote three letters, ate double egg and chips, did a little shopping, and left for home at about the time the entourage would have been heading northwards for Sandringham. Pic of Cromer. Took it from the roof of the cafe I used. Very good egg and chips.

Cromer Council apparently intending to demolish the cafe I was in in order to build a lifeboat museum. The one next door is, apparently, inadequate. They will then build another cafe on top of the museum, in order that there will be a sea view - the one through the existing windows clearly being inadequate. I suspect this will turn out to be another scheme to turf out the existing owners, charge double, and install someone else - or, possibly, fail to build the new monstrosity, but drive the existing owners out of business by forcing them to close for a season. Rather like the closure of the newspaper stand by Norwich Station, which is, in all probability, sadly missed by many commuters.

I did not take my bicycle with me.

Anyone want to buy an official MI5 surveillance moped - one careful owner?

And, my moped is at the doctor's having its ears syringed. Something clogging an oil filter. Oil refusing to leave sump. Also, rather jelly-like in consistency. Other than that, this particular patient just fine.

Anyone want to buy London Bridge?

Snapped Cow Tower, a brick relic in Norwich with very little of interest to offer to anyone. Inside it is a gravel floor, presumably liberally intermingled with pigeon guano from the birds that inhabit it. That's what English Heritage is for - preserving garbage that no-one wants to see - rather like the ridiculous eyesore of a brick wall the separates Parmentergate Court from the road! Pic of Cow Tower.

Something that the cat dragged in

Neighbours appear to have taken to moving objects from the window ledge in the corridor to somewhere in front of the door to my flat. No idea why. Our cats used to leave the inedible spleen of moorhens outside our back door. Bizarre. I suppose it's a cut above stealing them.

16/7/2

FIRST CASUALTY

Spoke to the News Editor of the Evening News, Amanda Patterson. Asked whether she had received my press release. Said she had, but that they were not going to use it. Asked why. This turned out to be because the Evening News has a policy of not reporting on out-of-court settlements. This turned out to be because they felt that they could not trust information relating to such settlements. Perhaps they also do not trust their own ability to confirm such information to their own satisfaction? I would certainly have felt inadequate, as a journalist, if I had considered myself to be unable to confirm the veracity of something supplied on ACAS headed paper to my own satisfaction. So, tried the Editor, David Bourn, who was out. Tried the Publisher, Barry Dennis, who sounded quite young, but was very pleasant about it, and who said that he would try to have a word with the Editor. Haven't seen any sign of the story, so assume that the Evening News is far more keen on stories handed to it on a plate by people other than myself. For some reason. Not sure what. Will, therefore, write and ask them who, exactly, they are happy to receive stories handed to them on a plate from, and why. Got a copy of the Bury Free Press on visit to Bury. Miniscule font for body copy. And so much local news, too! Must be ever so time-consuming to check so many footling little local stories! Perhaps ECN just keen on London junkets? - Certainly less likely to upset their advertisers! And if their monopoly drives genuine journalism out of the business, who cares? I shall, as they say, be taking my advertising elsewhere!

Have discovered Quark Xpress costs about ?1,015 (including VAT). This is rather irritating, and may put paid to plans to buy into professional environment. Anyone know any cheaper sources? PC budget (including XP, MS Office, Dreamweaver, Quark, Acrobat, scanner, modem, 815 1.2/1.3 P3, 256Mb) now considerably above ?1,500 or so ceiling I had been hoping for. In fact, a lot more like three grand.

Anyone know whether Dreamweaver is really worth ?350?

Any idea what the IT budget of this country is? And how often it has to be respent? How many more things would run better if the money was spent on the job in question, instead of on the computers that are supposedly making it more efficient? I think it's time to stop paying the Microsoft surcharge on computing!

Time was, I'd only have to buy a pencil and jotter, or possibly a manual typewriter (going price currently about ?10 from a second-hand shop), and perhaps a telephone, to be a journalist. Now I need an IT budget that would buy a small car.

By the way, I appear to be most popular on Thursdays. No idea why. Always have been. Viewing figures are:

Sun: 3.84%
Mon: 14.46%
Tue: 12.77%
Wed: 16.84%
Thu: 21.36%
Fri: 20.40%
Sat: 9.83%

Get this, and more stats by clicking hit counter at foot of this page.

Police called, re: harassment. After third visit to their station. And telling me, repeatedly, that it wasn't easy being a cop. And that this would only make things worse. And, basically, that they didn't care for enforcing law for my benefit. Stood and talked to me for quite a while, finding out more or less what I had already told their civilian staff three times. Something the civilians had insisted it was not possible to do in the station - chiefly on the grounds that there were no police officers there. In which time, I think, the neighbours I had asked them to have a word with left their flat. I'm sure, however, that the arrival of the officers was noted by the relevant parties, and that the neighbours will feel a good deal more confident in using words like 'grass' as a result.

More ashtrays disappearing.

13/7/2

Congrats to Pete and Cris!

Hi to Katy and Kiki!

It's a bust!

Flat next door to mine got raided by police on Thursday night! Stoved in the door and were there for about two hours. Am told that this costs them ?400, until such time as a refund is extracted from anyone convicted. Am assuming that they don't do this for sport. Am also assuming that this was to do with drugs. However, police say they cannot, and will not, say what it was for. Which is fine. Got snapped at by one of the residents (or someone I assume to be the live-in partner of the man I believe to be the resident), when, after a chat with the caretaker to find out what was likely to happen, went back to tell them that the emergency repair team would be there at 10pm. Wasn't too impressed when someone, I presume a visitor, banged twice on my door as they went past (had hand cream on, so couldn't open door). Answered but couldn't see anyone through spy hole. Not impressed. Not clever behaviour after a bust! Rang police, and said I'd go into police station next day to report this. Heard a man leaving just before midnight, who may have banged the steel railings on the way down the stairwell outside my bedroom wall. Next morning, was just leaving, early, as wanted to go to Bury. Opened door to find a green vinyl or latex inspection glove laid neatly in the corner of the alcove of my doorway. Took some pics of the glove, and of the repaired door and went to report it. I can't afford to have people starting that kind of hassle. This afternoon, left to go make appointment for bike, as nearly died on way home from BSE (awful rattly noise - thought something about to exit engine casing), only to be insulted by one of three young men leaving the flat (now with replaced door), who said one word: 'Grass!'. Even more stupid, quite frankly. So, have just gone to make another complaint to police. I don't mind being insulted. Sticks and stones, and all that. I'd feel less worried by it if I had actually grassed them up. I suspect that they must have managed to get themselves caught - certainly seem to be stupid enough to! But if someone should return drunk one night, and feel justified in laying into me because I happen to argue back (however cogently or relevantly), I wouldn't be keen on the probably consequences for me! As it happens, had rung police last night, too, as enormous noise coming from old Rolls Royce garage. Was worried it might be rave that would go on till 3am. Five to ten minutes after ringing (7.30pm), it stopped. This morning, saw some people preparing a float for Lord Mayor's parade. So, went to find out whether they'd be holding a party there tonight - not. They told me that they had been doing a sound check on about 6.5kW of speakerage.

Perhaps the police just wanted another door for their collection in Wymondham? Their web site did say they had quite a lot of them, there.

The case (re: bust) continues, as they say (or, more likely, has yet to even begin). Innocent until proven guilty (unless it's tragically out of fashion, these days). Of course, calling someone a grass doesn't make one any less suspicious of the reason for the police having been there. If anything, it tends to make one more suspicious. Pretty stupid behaviour - unless they really hate their friend. The case continues.

Pics of repaired police damage, bizarre glove and a few shots of the work putting new tower on Bury Cathedral (and a curious sculpture that appears to have made its way into the Abbey Gardens), later. Presumably, whether or not the Bury congregation believe in demons, they are still able to 'draw down' the considerable funds required for the building works. The sort of thing that might make a person want to plant a cedar tree (renowned for long roots) near the wall of the cathedral.

9/7/2

Have been sent my data by Norfolk Police. Don't reckon I got my ?10 worth, to be honest!

Covering letter (49kb).
Allocation/call centre reports (213kb).
These include my calls for help from Hellesdon for assault by the staff (being dragged along the corridor and being medicated against my will - was told, by an officer who attended, that this was 'not enough of an assault'!).
Includes officers' names and numbers, but not social workers' names. Also has sufficient info, despite deleting name, to ID a third party. As if I didn't know who it was, anyway.
Crime report (41kb). Only two out of the 13 pages scanned, as much 'data' but little info contained.
No space on their database, as far as I can tell, for previous names of males.
Codes and abbreviations (28kb). Considering this has to cover the entire gamut of human crime, this is remarkably short! Compare with Benefits Agency's 50 pages!

They appear to operate on a per constabulary basis, which must be very profitable.

As far as I can tell, they appear to have press released my reporting of graffiti on my door. I have absolutely no idea why they would wish to do this!

There are http paths at the foot of the Computer Aided Dispatch (CAD) reports (call centre reports). I am sincerely hoping that these represent an intranet, but am, in any case, rather worried that these could very easily be used by hackers!

Also sent copies of letters, some of which are posted here already.

Three problems with sales staff, yesterday. AA umbrella man refused, point blank to explain that AA did not do motorcycle cover. Kept on waving his arms in a most distracting 50s spiv manner. Then pointedly asked me: 'Have I done something wrong?'. As if asking that was not wrong in itself! Not too sure he was really interested in selling things. Index couldn't wrap a radiator (want dry towels, come winter). First assistant made string too loose, so would not hold. Second deliberately overtightened, as if to say '**** you!'. Gave up when manager was downright cheeky. Morrisons returns staff, instead of asking sir politely whether he'd meant to pick a large jacket, instead of extra large, asked him rather bluntly what size he wanted - having first hassled him (after original offer of swap) over whether he could have a replacement at all.

The customer is always wrong. The sales staff are royalty.

By the way, took grinder back to Argos, which will do report and send me a copy of it.

6/7/2

This joint is jumpin'!

Click here to check 'official' Zero Catch stats for yesterday.

5/7/2

Stop press!

Last home page has been archived:

Click on appropriate archive links to see previous work.

Second archive (March to July).
First archive (Jan - March).

Have left one or two bits that might be useful on this page. Some of days' entries are cut back so as to include only the bits of interest. If you want the whole a day's entry, see the archives.

Am not bothering to put a new minipoll here, as no-one ever seems to use them. Should make page load faster.

Don't forget that you can find out who the last fifty visitors were, who called when, what browser they use (99.999999999% Microsoft, as if you'd need the figures), etc, by clicking on the hit counter at the bottom of the page. Find out where they are by entering URL into demo on www.visualroute.com.

My apologies for any shortcomings in the search engine. On the last couple of counts, it has reported anything between 46,000 and 75,000 words on the site. After contacting WhatUseek.com to find out where the missing words went, they reported back that, after adjusting limits for my site, it actually counted 92,000. Wonder what my social worker would say.

I had just set it respidering, before they got back to me, and before I archived the last home page off, so, ought to respider. So, apols if any hiccups with searches over next day or two.

Stop press!

Urgent press release!

Background to press release I.

Background to press release II.

Have, more or less, won employment case with NORCI. I agreed to settle before going to an Employment Tribunal. NORCI upped payment from ?3,000 to ?5,000, removed a clause requiring confidentiality, apologised, and guaranteed giving a reference to prospective employers. ACAS document recording settlement.

Recruitment fair in Forum, today. Had a long chat, yesterday, with a police officer. Asked about what it was like being one, what was stressful (and how many suffer from mental health problems), whether they actually used their own mobile phones on business, whether having a criminal record was a problem for employment, etc.

Today, am in Forum again. So, dressed appropriately, with FBI jacket, peaked cap squashed on head, backwards, shades, blue flashing light held on cap, waa-waa going, approached, nervously. Asked a different officer whether they had any work in intelligence. Told me no need to shout. Lowered voice a little and asked again. No. Damn!

None of the temp agencies had any, either, and neither did the RAF. Damn! So, still no work in intelligence for JJ.

Got followed round by a couple of teenagers. Perhaps, if it hadn't been for them meddlin' kids...

Went to bank a couple of days ago, and told them about my new found wealth. Said I'd be buying a PC, and might think about setting up as a freelance journalist. So, went away with a 'starting your own business' pack. Will have to produce a business plan and a cashflow forecast. Did that when I was at Warwick, but that was about 14 years ago. And I don't recall getting a First for it, either! Once got a First for any essay about toilets in the Bolivian altiplano. But not for my business plan. Don't think we took the business plan too seriously, at the time!

Just saw some presenter from BBC TV in the Forum. Can't remember his name. Very dapper, though!

Apologised to one of the plain clothes staff on the police stand for being noisy earlier. He seemed happy to accept the apology. So, I guess it must have been very annoying for him.

13/6/2

GMC: 'OK to personate doctors!'

It is quite alright to personate GPs, according to the General Medical Council: Letter from GMC.

I am, therefore, off to buy myself a new scalpel, stethoscope, pair of forceps, and will be contacting Fred down the road, in a darkened alley, for some speed, dope, and anything else I can get my hands on.

I think I shall set myself up in brain surgery. Hmm. May have to write to Dr David Blunkett LRCP, MRCS, MB, BS, DCH, and ask for the baseball bat back, for anaesthetic purposes. Hope the dog hasn't gnawed it too much - I'd hate to get splinters!

I shall, in addition, pay a visit to Maplin and buy myself a waa-waa and blue blinky.

You can call me Dr Chief Inspector Jones, MP, HRH, KBC, KPMG, BSc, MA (Oxon), CEng, etc, etc, etc.

I shall, when I have recovered from the shock of my recent, and, it has to be said, surprising, qualification, be contacting the GMC to find out what the Hell they are doing.

It's astonishing what one is!

30/5/2

Letter from a consultant psychiatrist, Dr Christopher Mayer, to my family's GP, Dr Andrew Hassan, that was included in Social Services' data. Letter from Mayer to Hassan.

How to get data from Norfolk Police: Norfolk Constabulary DPA access request form and guidance notes.

Some very belated news from the GMC - not sure why they even bothered, to be honest: Letter from GMC.

Have decided to contact GMC and police regarding personation of a doctor that I was the victim of, in 1998. Files supplied by Norfolk County Council Social Services included a letter from a consultant psychiatrist from Great Barton, Dr Christopher Mayer, to the family GP, Dr Andrew Hassan. It purported to describe a meeting between myself and the two doctors. However, Dr Hassan was not present: somebody was personating him! As you can imagine, being presented with a consultant psychiatrist with the ability to Section you to a psychiatric hospital presenting somebody as a colleague he must surely have seen many many times, after the pair were let in by your father, was exceedingly worrying! I am rather worried!

Letter to Norfolk Constabulary.
Letter to GMC.
Letter to Dr Andrew Hassan.

Letter to Nick Miller, of Social Services, regarding Data Protection Act, which mentions personation.

28/5/2

Why 'lock people up'?

Judge for yourself!

Have scanned a selection of medical notes etc from the time I was Sectioned to the psychiatric hospital. Sorry if some files larger than usual, but have scanned at 200dpi, as copies and doctors' handwriting poor.

Social

As far as I can tell, the psychiatric services operate as a detention facility for the local housing mafia. See this report by Kate Greenwood. See, especially, Section 11 'Circumstances leading to assessment', which concludes: 'Making unreasonable demands on housing'. Funnily enough, I was due to be evicted, at the time!
Kate Greenwood, Approved Social Worker's assessment report of 17/5/99 (97kb).

Just how urgent is an exploding cigar tin?
Letter from Met Police to ASW Kate Greenwood of 8/7/99 (44kb). Would you believe the police actually sent the letter to Social Services to give to me?

Medical

Let's start with the best example of an interview, by one Dr Few, who at least listened to me. He told me, afterwards, that he thought I might have 'mild delusions'. Check notes immediately after his! See, also, the notes in this file by Dr Diana Gross, and compare! A lot of the 'psychiatric problem' appears to be attributable to my asking questions. Most of which, in all probability, arose from their professional stupidity, and having been ignominiously dragged there in the first place.
First, and principal, interview after detention, by Dr Andrew Few (879kb). Interesting to see what constitutes the bulk of a psychiatric assessment!

Admission report by nurse Nicky Gordon (143kb). - Check out my preferred form of exercise!
Nurses' progress report, of 5/8/99 (173kb).
Assessment of the risk I posed at the time (151kb).

Total of about 200 sheets (mostly double-sided) in NMHC data. Probably more worth scanning later.

Personally, I'd like to know how the psychiatric and social care staff of this world justify their salaries!

Other matters of today

NMHC's letter inviting me to pay for very late goods. Sorry I didn't post it earlier!

A little acknowledgement from my MP, Charles Clarke (Norwich, South) regarding a letter to him of 20/5/2.

Found my motorcycle had grown legs and moved of its own accord for a second time, today. Attributed, by caretaker, to being 'probably just the kids'. Think I'll design and build an alarm with a 50kW piezo buzzer for it.

Housing Association has put up rent and service charge. No idea how they have the gall to ask for a service charge at all! Most rent at my place paid by City Council! I guess that's just the local housing mafia for you!

Called the police the other night, because I could hear a woman screaming the other side of the Benefits Agency. When they arrived, they slewed their transit van across the entrance to St John Street (having overshot the area I described to the police on the phone by some 150-100yards and an entire government building) and sat and waited. Eventually, I rang 999 again to suggest that they do something. Then they got out of the van and had a look around the area I'd described! Letter from police following my complaint.

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Some Zero Catch stats, on 6/7/2: Total hits, 2790; Total unique visitors, 1496.
Hits today, 4; Visitors today, 4; bandwidth used, 46kb.

Hits 5/7/2, 98; Visitors, 48; bandwidth used, 98Mb!!!

Bandwidth used this month, 103Mb.
Ave bandwidth used per day this month, 17.3Mb
Bandwidth used last month, 142Mb.

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