Registering with GPs

In memoriam

MP addresses question of registering with GPs

They only answered: 'Little liar!'

Meridian East over Plimsoll Line!

Supplemental...

SECURITY BRIEFING...EYES ONLY.../...EYES ONLY.../...EYES ONLY...

..TOP SECRET...TOP SECRET...TOP SECRET...

Checkpoint 'Charlie'

Assault

Quick question

How to spot a story, Part 1

Just how much Boots cares

How to prevent junk mail!

Fire strike precautions

Today is officially 'Mock an Artist Day'!

Instant artistic creativity!

Fire Strike

Argos

Boots

Me

Fire strike in Norwich

Bomb scare in Norwich!

How good is your ludo?

The Big Time!

Doctors

Making beds to lie in

Spores, moulds and fungi

I saw two shooting stars, last night...

Evening supplemental

Secret ballots?

I'm free! At last, I'm free!

The hypocrisy of JK Rowling

How to take pictures of fireworks, this Bonfire Night

Fun, games and encryption

Letters of yore

How about a nice game of chess?

How to find a doctor"

Miscellaneous items of the day

That ridiculous sponsored police car, in picture:

We care! Deeply!

NORCI). I thought this was really really funny, myself. And I mean really funny. Not only was I demonstrating against the intelligence failure that must, almost by definition, have occurred, in order for the WTC, etc attacks to have taken place, but it was a chance to have a gentle dig at NORCI. Actually, on the way back, it occurred to me that it might have been ever so slightly insensitive to do this, as, to mention something like the intelligence services in an area where vulnerable people are to be found - particularly vulnerable people that might be paranoid about things like intelligence services, freemasons, demons, or whatever the Hell kind of paranoia they may be suffering from could remind them of whatever problem it was they were trying to forget, or get over. However, shortly after this, I consoled myself with the fact that, while I was working at NORCI, I had begun to go to work wearing an FBI jacket, with the letters in bold gold, about six inches high on the back, and also clearly marked on the front, and that the possibility that this might be troublesome to its sensitive trainees (sorry - 'clients' - the name was formally changed, some while back - slip of the tongue) clearly never occurred to anybody, in particular the 'managers' there, as, in all the time I was there, nobody mentioned this to me once. So it was obviously not a problem. As I said, I thought, myself, that it was very funny.

Actually, first things first! On the way down to NORCI, for which I left at about 2am, I thought I'd swing by an area of town called Tombland, which is, prosaically, next door to the Anglican Cathedral. Inside, behind the enormous wooden gates, lies a law firm, called 'Leathes Prior'. Funnily enough, an old friend of mine once worked there. Someone I was at Durham University with (before they chucked me out for spending more time in a scull called the 'JJ King' than learning about engineering). It was also, after some curious experiences with cheaper firms (see the passage copied from GB Shaw's prefaces to his 'Doctor's Dilemma', on this site), and some very helpful advice on changing my name, back in 98, the law firm I approached regarding Harry Potter, at the beginning of this year. Before I go any further, I should mention that, in order to lay the groundwork for a little something, and to repay the debt, or promise I made, to the particular solicitor that was helpful to me in name-changing (gave me free advice) I took in a bottle of (rather cheap, I'm afraid) red wine, the day before. While doing so, I took the opportunity to 'scope the ground' (see under 'cowboy'), and checked that I would, indeed, be right under the nose of a closed-circuit TV camera. Anyway, on the night in question, the route I took to NORCI took me that way. And the strangest thing happened! I passed two men in reflective yellow jackets, with the 'Biwater' logo on them, one of whom held an opened map. Checked around them a bit, to see if there might be any reason for them to be there. They duly, and obediently, looked puzzled. Then I asked them what they were doing. They said they were from Anglian Water, and were looking for leaks. I suggested that this must be pretty urgent. They said that this was entirely routine. Must get pretty good overtime! Anyway, I came back, after leaving the little love-letter for NORCI, and settled down for some typesetting under the gaze of the closed-circuit TV camera. Chalked 'MI6 recruitment, 2nd left through arch. Ask for 'M'.B. Or Tel: 01603 610 911 (Mug up on art & lit. first)'. I used a slightly larger font for the '911' part of the phone number, as I thought that this would be really, really really funny, what with it being associated with the US police. As, presumably, the law firm in question also does, as that is, indeed, its phone number. And, and you're going to love this, what made it even funnier was that it was there for the 9/11 demo. Aren't I brilliant? Aren't I funny?

Anyway, wandered on, and came to a bus stop, outside the office of City & County Estate Agents, which also happens to be in Tombland, just over the pedestrian crossing. Noticed it was a stop for a bus to the airport, and, quick as a flash, decided to chalk 'Take 505 4 WTC - say 'Osama' sent you' under the shelter. Aren't I amusing? Aren't I just the most intelligent demonstrator you'e ever heard of?

Oh. By the way, this was nothing to do with the fact that I had no hot water for eight weeks, or the fact that I would often come home to find complete strangers meddling with one or another fixture or fitting in the flat, before they had me evicted for asking someone for ID.

So, on I wandered, miiiiinding me own business. Got to the street where the good law firm I used to win the NORCI employment issue lives. Chalked a stop sign at the foot of the road. Actually, it was meant to be an 'open limit' sign, but I got the bar at the wrong angle - guess I never learned that particular alphabet to write - I can only read it! - Had to go back the following day and chalk a post on it at a funny angle to make it look right!

This had nothing to do with the fact that a particularly aggressive junior lawyer had, when taking me to an interview room, marched (stomped) loudly and swung his arms as though he believed himself to be a military policeman leading a rather hung-over squaddie to the sergeant (or whoever it is they use) for disciplining, instead of quietly and politely leading the potentially lucrative client to talk business. Hup two! Hup two! Hup two!

While I was doing that, a funny thing happened. A chap called Liam, or Donald (I can never remember which is which - two blokes that live in the same pair of blocks flats as me - I just remember both names because of Liam Donaldson, of DOH fame), accosted me. So we chatted. He asked me what I was drawing. Feeling that it was blindingly self-evident that it was a road sign, I described it simply as 'art', and, later, as 'a private joke'. I asked him what he was doing out, at what must have been about 3am, by then. He said he had been unable to sleep, and had decided to go and buy something to eat. I told him that that probably wasn't the first thing that I'd decide to do, if unable to sleep, and left it at that. Bit like bumping into all those 'trainees' from NORCI. Doesn't seem to happen quite so much, these days. Funnily enough, it always seemed to happen when something interesting to do with NORCI was going on (such as talking to my solicitors about pounding NORCI into the ground at a Tribunal) - but then, that was probably just my being sensitised to the company because something was. Bit like noticing other people's shoes when you're thinking of buying a new pair. We passed a doorway with a homeless person sleeping in it. Since they were completely covered with cardboard and other detritus, I took the opportunity to chalk 'ART - here every nite' across the front of the doorway. I don't know about you, but I can't understand how the social services department of a large (?) city can fail to be able to successfully put a roof over the head of the very small handful (eg: 18) people that find themselves with no other option, of a night, when they can successfully do so for about 100,000 other people. I have to assume that it is not incompetence. I therefore assume that it must be by design. Since it can't be 'pour encourager les autres', as this would be barbaric politics for this day and age, I have to assume that those responsible must consider it to be an artform. Why they do not advertise it more widely, I do not know. So I decided to help them. It was for a similar reason that I had chalked 'Now put one up for the homeless' outside the door of the Benefits Agency, which has just installed a 14-bay, two-storey portakabin, in order to allow them a whole year to refurbish the building they use. Anyway, so, off Liam Donaldson toddled to Tesco, which I was surprised to discover was open.

Lively place, at night, Norwich!

Went up to the City Hall, where I had, previously, chalked, 'SAD!' beneath a banner explaining that the city believed it was a good idea to spend loads of money chasing a hopeless chance of getting a ridiculous, and worthless logo, some many years hence, as it was clearly unable to achieve it at present (ie: European City of Culture), and updated it with a very small 'Definitely sad!'.

Toddled on to the library, and wrote 'Remember those that LET it happen! FBI, CIA, MI5, MI6, etc 9/11. Modern technology sees all (Echelon, raptor) except 30,000 trainee terrorists and airline bookings' on the steps. With a footnote to the effect that the internet is wondrous.

Went to the spot by the church opposite, where the day before the event, some callous b had spray-washed off my entirely peaceful message to the same effect as above. Added (to the bit where I'd put 'All gone?' earlier) - Guess we forget pretty quickly!, and decorated another slab, some way to the right with 'Why not clean this one, too?'. Personally, it has long been my desire to see the council clean the pavements along St Stephens, the underpass, etc, and various other places where the homeless people find themselves sitting. I really can't bear the idea that they have to sit in that awful sticky grey human slime that accumulates, begging for money. I'd be much happier seeing them sitting on squeaky clean pavements, begging for money. Or in a portakabin, with adequate benefits. Naaaaaaahh! Too easy!!!

Added a couple of other small 'Remember...'s to various shiny bricks on the floor, as, by now, the pens were running out, and the nibs all scuffed. Then went and found the taxi rank. Chalked ''00' TAXIS _ONLY_' at the entrance for the cabs to the rank. At least, that was what I _thought_ I had written! Went to get up, and noticed I had missed the 'I'. Damn! Left it as a bad job, and went and did it properly, further up the rank. It was about 4am, I was tired, and cold, and hadn't brought an eraser with me.

Finally, to get one more bee out of my bonnet, went and rechalked 'TACKY! What must the _tourists_ think of us' beneath the 20mph limit sign at the entrance to Castle Meadow, on which the 'we've got a DTP system, 'n' we gunna use it' mentality has prevailed. The 'A' is a castle icon, and there is a crossed swords logo for the 'W'. Truly ghastly! How on earth such a ridiculous breach of street sign protocol ever happened, I can't even begin to imagine!

Went home.

Chalked another 'Remember...' outside the door of the multi-storey carpark opposite my block of flats.

Next day, went to buy some new shirts. Desperately wanted to do proper FBI outfit demo, despite the fact that the eczema on my hands, and, at present, my arms (probably because of all the cleaning and DIY I've been doing) is terrible. The FBI jacket is great, but very sweaty inside. So, rather than disappoint the crowds, chalked 'MI6' on my old, less-used black denim jacket, clamped flashing blue light to head with hand, strung listening device over shoulder, and strolled out to find shirts.

On way down to Magdalen Street, thought I'd call past City & County bus stop. They had removed the 505 sign. Sat waiting for bus. No 505. Damn! Bloody faulty intelligence! Had to walk! Crossed over, into Tombland, to see if Leathes Prior had got spray-washer out (or the Cathedral staff, for that matter). They hadn't. Thought about it for a while, then wandered through, past Leathes Prior, and out the other end. Wish I hadn't done it, really, as I don't like disturbing places of worship (however hypocritical the 'bishop', or whatever the term might be for the particular religion, might be when it comes to 'demons' (or similar)).

On the way home, checked out a new vacuum cleaner. Watch this space for a review of a ?189 Miele Solution 700 HEPA edition, later.

Spent a lot of time in bed, thereafter!

Was disturbed by doorbell a few times. Since no-one had said they were coming, and they hadn't rung the entry bell, I assumed it was probably someone I didn't want to see, and ignored it. It may well have been. Got up to find a note, yesterday, from the housing association, asking me to contact its offices regarding my 'artistic license', which I took to be a reference to my little protest in St John Street, regarding a drain that has been blocked for about a year and a half, or more, and shows every sign of being blocked for another winter. After chalking 'CLEAN ME!' on the pavement by the drain, nothing happened. After some while I added 'Why is this still blocked?! in blackboard chalk. This was duly washed away by the rain (during the course of which shower, the familiar boating lake formed). So, I added, in language I thought might be more appropriate to the members of the Residents' Association, a message in bold, bright, coloured squares, triangles, circles and hexagons of the sort found in small, (or large, educationally subnormal) children's posting boxes, etc. I added loads of apostrophes and capitalised all sorts of 'letters', so I'm sure they must have been able to understand it! And, as before, since no action was taken, I came to the conclusion that it had to be a deliberate act of some sort that the drain was still blocked, as it could not possibly be a 'management' failure. Managers never get anything wrong. Never. It had, therefore, to be a work of art, or something more profound. So, I added 'John Innes No. 3 50p/bucket' and 'Fishing licences ?50 per season' alongside the coloured squares etc. Now, I have no idea how much a fishing licence is, as I think it is a rather barbaric form of leisure. Could be cheap. Could be quite expensive. Whichever, the season only lasts a few hours or so, at present. However, the John Innes is almost coming out of the top of the drain, so the season may get longer, as we round the corner into the autumn.

Then went round corner, where I had, previously, in front of the solid, immovable rear height-limiting gate, chalked 'NO FIRE ENGINES', and added 'There is no PCMCRA'. I assume this to be correct, as it would either have done something about the drain, or let the residents of the flats know of its new constitution, following its annual elections. Then again, since it has, in the past, acted as though procedures are bunk, perhaps it might not. Who cares.

I had, also, in the past, chalked 'Private road' across the entrance to St John Street. I take this to be the case, as the RA has never told us that the road has been adopted, as it said it was going to be. I assume that this is the reason that there are double yellow lines in the (now locked) rear car park, where I had also written 'In case of emergency, write to PCMCRA for key'. I had, therefore, written 'Public parking' and drawn a small parking bay beside the spot, now double yellow-lined, where I used to park my moped under the CCTV camera, as it was safer than leaving it in the underground carpark, where it had been vandalised at a cost of some ?40 or so to me, some while back. I had also, at the time, added the words 'EMPTY' to each of the parking bays that was. Or, rather, to all of the parking bays, except two of them.

Do the words 'dog' and 'manger' spring to anyone's mind?

All of which 'intelligent' behaviour was finally capped when I discovered the note from the housing association, which clearly feels it is a better use of its time to summon me to talk to it than to pick up the phone and ring up someone to get something done about it. Then again, maybe it just doesn't like the idea of paying the bill for cleaning the drain, which, after all, happened becuase of the building work on the new block of flats, allowing huge quantities of sand to be swept into the drain.

Just as well I haven't got an 'artistic licence' for them to confiscate! Ho ho ho. Oh. I am sooooooo amusing, sometimes! I ought to be on stage! Ho ho ho ho ho!

Amazing, isn't it that so many people could fail to achieve something as simple as cleaning a drain! Personally, I'd approach the RA and get them to do something about it. But then, at the last committee meeting I attended, they told me that I don't live there. So it a) isn't something I can do anything about; and b) wasn't me that did it!

Pretty scary, huh?

I'm so glad it's fine weather.

My hands itch! I'm off! I'll probably go and watch my copy of the Monsters Inc vid. It's brilliant!

We don't do anything because we don't care!

Discovered someone had written 'Or remember those that died' beneath my 'Rember those that let it happen... outside the carpark. No idea why. Perhaps they think I'm unaware of the fact that about 3,000 people died. I'm not. I'd just rather the people that are paid to do things do them, rather than leaving them to other people to do, or to be not done at all. I seem to spend almost all my time doing things that other people have been paid to do, but which they are not doing. It's very depressing. It leads one to think that the simplest thing to do is to set up government accounts for all, and, automatically, deposit a set amount of money in them on a regular basis, rather than bother wasting huge amounts interviewing, vetting, torturing, abusing and generally giving a nasty time to the people that all the other people believe it's for.

Special 'hello!' to the folks at Focus magazine. And, hello to Nick, in the unlikely event he should find this page. I look forward to seeing a 'how to pick the religion for me' guide in its pages (or at least an answer to 'Do Christians believe in demons?'), shortly. Sorry the mobile dropped out while talking to the editor - probably those b******s at MI5!

:)

7/9/2

The lengths some people will go to to publicise their websites!!!

That PCC letter about the racist cartoon: Letter from Press Complaints Commission.

By the way, the East Anglian Daily Times was happy to publish the quote from the Koran that I selected. It was the first line or two of the chapter headed The Hypocrites. Christians get a free insertion every day. Not sure if there are special discounts for declared atheists. Will ask, later.

5/9/2

Royal Mail replied to me: Letter from Royal Mail.
Enclosed was one book of 12 first class stamps. Skinflints!
Also got notification from Consignia that they will look into this, but have not received notification of the results of their investigations, yet.
Something I found in letterbox on same day. Post-it Not. If you look at the bottom left corner, you will notice that part of the ID number has been removed, by tearing a small square off.

Rang Royal Mail to thank for first, and ask for explanation of second. Was told would call back. No call. Rang back - hold, listened, at length to friendly, if unhelpful idiot, suggested he rang back, he said that that might be quite a good idea and continued talking, returned fire, rang off.

I have bought ten plastic wine goblets, and some 'Fragile' stickers. Will be preparing sticky labels indicating that, if you present the goblet to the relevant sorting office, or going to the Royal Mail web site, they will furnish you, the winner, with a case of Christmas bubbly, as part of its ongoing promotional customer satisfaction drive.

Norfolk Mental Health Care NHS Trust is reported as saying it will be confiscating belts and shoelaces from patients. This follows someone hanging themselves, recently. The reason this is happening is because a relative of the person started a campaign for this measure.

I was told, by staff, at the hospital, when I was there, that it was not so long ago that they used to confiscate the clothes/pyjamas of patients, in order to stop them trying to escape. I was also told that this practice came to an end, because it contravened their human rights, and compromised their dignity. Perhaps wandering around with trousers around one's ankles - sorry, shuffling, so that shoes stay one - is a completely different matter? Then again, perhaps not. I really am sick and tired of seeing these supposedly caring measures instigated because one noisy person is successful in kicking up a fuss. It's just another way of increasing the amount of abuse the already abused suffer. Perhaps, if the supposed 'carer' had cared a bit more about their 'loved' one, they might not have felt like hanging themselves, in the first place? I suppose, if people really do conclude that nobody cares for them, they might like to think that they would be allowed the option of killing themselves, rather than face torture for the rest of their lives? Or am I encroaching upon the euthanasia debate?

It is OK to kill the mentally ill.

It is not OK for the mentally ill to kill themselves.

Funny old world!

I will be writing to my MP about this.

Got a reply back from the Press Complaints Commission, regarding EDP's cartoon. They found in favour of the EDP, on the grounds that the only person likely to be offended by the cartoon would be Robert Mugabe. Rather disappointing, quite frankly. Not quite racist enough, perhaps? Will post a scan of the reply, later. Previous complaint was rejected on the grounds that 'the majority' of people would not be offended by the headline 'INSANE!'. Presumably, the PCC think people feel the same way about the cartoon - irrespective of how Mr Mugabe might feel?

Sorry for prolonged absence, have been doing massive clean-up to get rid of (finally) a carpet that I suspect of housing billions of dust mites and causing skin problem. Hands have taken a bit of a hammering, with all cleaning fluids used and dust/dust mite/dust mite excrement raised. Am hopeful will improve greatly, in very near future. Where can I put that? Where can I put this? Job begets job begets job.

Bought a ?6 radio from Big W the other day, as it has _all_ (at least nine) shortwave bands, and three FM. Was hoping it would pick up Air and Marine bands. Sadly, it does not, but am having fun listening to the police. Was reminded, by officer at recruitment fair, that it is not illegal to listen, only to act upon what you hear. Takes me back to my childhood, listening to a little Pye radio, with oversize earplug with twisty leads! You can't get the police on many normal radios, these days, as the band doesn't stretch far enough. One or two interesting cases, but am not at liberty to divulge details. You can also find out who's ordering taxis!

Any English ex-pat Australians need any extra hot curry paste sent to them? Just drop me a line! (Apparently, rather hard to find, there!).

Benefits Agency, opposite my flat, has been installing new office space. Temporary (ho ho) for one year, while they 'refurbish' the existing office space. No idea what will require a whole year to refurbish. Asbestos, perhaps? Can I expect a lungful, shortly? 14 bays of portakabin, two stories tall! You can only begin to imagine what must be going through the minds of those using its services! Perhaps they could put up similar portakabins for the homeless, thereby obviating the need for a dozen or so BA office staff? Or, perhaps they could share the money that would have been used for that out among the clients, resulting in a similar saving on staff? It's when you see things like this happen that you begin to question the whole basis for charity and benefits systems. They seem to exist more for the wonderfully satisfying career they provide for a personal empire builder's staff than for those that they are supposed to be serving - rather like the Royal Mail Customer Services department!

Wonder what they'll be using the extra space for, in a couple of years' time, when they've decided it's actually permanent?

Am planning some sort of Sept 11 demo. May chalk something like 'Remember those that let it happen' on the pavement.

Curious! There appears to have been a large peak in hits for my site, yesterday. Wonder why.

23/8/2

Couple of letters I've been meaning to add to the site:

Complaint about behaviour of manager of Natural World: Letter to Natural World. No reply, yet.

Complaint to Royal Mail about the fact that they never bother to try to raise me, if there's an oversize parcel, or something that needs signing for (together with threat of direct action): Letter to Royal Mail. No reply to this one, either, though it may be a little early, yet.

Letter to The Independent on Sunday, offering a contribution for its mental health campaign: Letter to Jeremy Laurance. Never got a reply. Think it was too busy quoting celebrities and disgruntled former chief executives of psychiatric hospitals. Will have to look out for his book, when it is published, shortly.

Updated photo of me: Pic of me. Machine very kindly gave me two for the price of one! And I definitely think I'll need an estimate!

Have told Job Centre am going to raise my sights! Duly asked them whether they had any vacancies, on their computer, for astronauts. Told them I was certain I had it in me, and that all I needed was a chance. Just a chance. Just a chance to prove it. Or possibly to be a fighter pilot. Nothing on their system. Guess I'll just have to sign on, again, in two weeks, unless there are any unplanned launches requiring a stand-in in the meantime. And still no work in espionage, either. Rats!

19/8/2

Made a 'nudge box' for my solar powered plant turner, last night. Simple two-way power supply that lets me kick in batteries for the half rotation or so that it might take to show the underside of the geranium leaves to the diffuse light, once the sun has gone past the wall. Had stopped in the same place a few times, and was developing a lean!

Couple of letters:

Reply from Littlewoods, which I think has been in my bag for about a month, now, regarding appalling behaviour of staff and manager at Norwich branch: Letter from Littlewoods.

Reply from Press Complaints Commission, re: offensive EDP cartoon. Letter from PCC. Just a standard form letter, really.

EADT has refused to carry 'general announcement' bearing my web address for reasons unclear. I think they just plain didn't like me. Which was a shame, because they carried a general announcement with it in, last week, quite happily. This, however, was said to be 'an oversight'. As, presumably, was taking my money. It is currently playing with the idea of a general announcement quoting the Koran, on Hypocrites. However, this may yet turn out to be 'too inflammatory' towards another religion (specifically, presumably, Christians). Next ish: F = m.a. (Or F = mu.R ( Chappaquidditch!)).

Can anyone explain any of the following terms to me:

'Remedial therapy';
'Plush and private';
'Luxury parlour';
'Discreet. No rush.';
'Swedish remedial'.

I have absolutely no idea what these terms mean. Found them in the 'Personal' section of the EADT's classified section. The Classified Manager did mention something about 'applicable for all age groups', so I can only assume they are something to do with marriage guidance or social guidance, or finding pen pals for children, or some such. They must be a conscientious bunch, in Ipswich, when it comes to family relations, because, on the day that they refused to carry my general announcement, the facing page had a story about a lady complaining about a 'sex shop' (whatever that is) being opened there.

Wonder if the EDP is still selling sexist birthday cards in its lobby?

Do you know, they check all the phone numbers that they put into the EADT, to see if there's anyone there that might say something that is 'not applicable for all age groups'. Aren't they good?

15/8/2

Replacement solar radiometer doesn't work. Wasn't turning in shadow, as last one was, and, when placed in direct sun turned slowly for a while, then stopped! Fun fun fun!

I appear to have definitely won another prize! Anything from ?500 upwards!

Lucky.

Have just found the kind of site I was looking for, a while back. Never did know the mnemonic for the planets: Mnemonics site.

14/8/2

Boycott the EDP!

Yesterday, the EDP carried a wholly unacceptable cartoon, by Hall. I rang the publisher, my MP, and chalked 'Boycott the EDP!' outside newsagents. Curiously, of the seven visitors Bravenet attributes to my site, yesterday, four of them came from the EDP. One branch of WH Smith washed away one of the inscriptions (though, curiously, not the second). As I happened to be passing, afterwards, I chalked 'Boycott WHS!' beneath the wet patch. All the paper has done, so far, is publish a letter stating that the cartoon 'added nothing to the debate', which I take to be a considerable usage of understatement. Wonder what happened to the circulation of the EDP? I have just completed a form for the Press Complaints Commission (Section 13(i), discrimination), and will be posting it, today.

Later, chalked 'Why does this happen at 6?' by the bins waiting to be emptied in St John St. Personally, I have no idea why industrial estates, with nobody to wake up, get collections at midday, but housing estates, which do, get them at 6am.

Solar powered plant turner turns at one revolution every two mins (in hazy sun - might do fractionally better if no cloud at all).

Forgot to mention that I chalked 'TACKY' in front of street sign recently added to Castle Meadow, which has two rather curious fonts used right in the middle of the standard street sign font. - We gotta DTP system 'n' we gunna use it!'.

Have posted PCC letter: Proof of posting.

Am about to find an address for the incoming archbish, to try to establish his position on demons, etc. Profitable, I should imagine!

Wonder how many grants, and how many followers, I'd get, if I were to set up a religion based entirely on the belief that there existed demons, and a devil, and excluded the idea that there were any angels, or munificent god? How come Gabriel and Satan get names, but not demons?

Have also sent complaint to head office of Natural World. Bought a solar radiometer (inverted lightbulb shaped vacuum with four square vanes inside that rotate in sun). When I got it home, found base was very squiffy, and in danger of breaking tip off sealing tube. Area manager of shop behaved abysmally. Proof of posting. Letter, and scan of any response, later!

Have just emailed the incoming archbish: Email the incoming archbishop. Archbish dude's web site. Watch this space!

Signing off, for today,
Your pal,
Lucky.

12/8/2

Spider go left!

Have finally got around to scanning in my beautiful spider! Bella! Bella!

Also, some letters I've been meaning to add:

Letter from Dr Ian Gibson, MP, who won the Golden Snitch award following NORCI's AGM, last year: Letter from Dr Gibson, MP.

Riposte from Argos, re: grinder: letter from Argos.

NMHC's theory on email: letter from NMHC. Had to go up to sorting office yet again to fetch this, as no stamp on it. Hence, cost to me: ?0.99p. PO says will not ring on doorbell to offer payment there and then, any more. Am beginning to wonder whether it believes it enters into a contract when a person buys a stamp from it! Unfortunately, NMHC's letter does not appear to state national NHS policy, as promised! (As if NMHC considers itself to be part of the NHS, anyway!).

Have spoken to a chap called Stephen Nash, at Amstrad (01277 208 411 (direct)), who says that this is, in all likelihood, a load of dingos' kidneys. He has passed the query on to his technical department, to confirm, and I will post letter, or report of response, when it arrives.

My dad is going deaf! He has tried a number of hearing aids, but they all seem to merely amplify sound in an area of his hearing spectrum that is useless to him, ie: a total waste of time. It occurred to me that it might be possible, either with simple pitch shifting, or, possibly, more complex DSP, to alter the pitch of key sounds to an area of the spectrum that his ears are sensitive to. I spose it's possible that the shift required might render the sounds unintelligible (ie: the 'sss' sound is high frequency, but could become, say, an 'oo' or 'aaah' if shifted to far), or one could, I suppose, turn 'sss's into 'zzz's? Anyone know enough about this to comment?

My hearing, it appears, is in pretty good shape. Took back a tuning fork (high 'E' on guitar), after comparing it with an electronic guitar tuner. It was out by 'one cent' (minimum possible error - not sure what that is, precisely, in terms of octaves, or Hertz). Funnily enough, I'd always felt uncomfortable with its pitch. That said, I think it's unlikely that I've acquired perfect pitch this late in life! Think it was probably drips of lacquer on the tips of the prongs over the bluing - pretty stupid, really!

Down with protest!

Some wag has painted 'Clean me!' on the pavement beside the blocked drain I can see from my window! The drain has been bothering me for over a year, now, so am pleased to see it! Perhaps the newly elected committee of the residents' association, about which we all know nothing, so far, will finally get around to doing something useful - doubt it, mind.

Taking the lead, I have chalked a message beneath a banner strung across the front of City Hall, reading 'Bidding to be European Capital of Culture 2008'. Now, this seemed extraordinarily sad, to me. If for no other reason than the fact that it might take so long to get there. It read:

SAD!

AND MORE THAN A LITTLE HOPEFUL!
Honestly! Why do we pay these people?
Why they can't get on with putting people into houses, and cleaning the streets, I don't know! Mutter mutter mutter...

I had no sooner finished than some little tyke on a mini scooter rode right over it! Some people just can't spot culture when it's right under their noses!

Later, went to mini square, where Sally Army was rattling tins (ought to learn to put in ?800,000 bids!) to gay music of electric street organ. Chalked:

'Charity hands control of resources for the needy to the rich in front of their sign reading 'Sharing is caring'.

Then added:

There are no demons!
(Unless we need a new roof for our church!)

And walked off. I expect the people in Africa they were 'collecting for' will be pleased to know that Norwich will, once again, have delightful brass band music, come Christmas, and can, whenever, enjoy the merry tinkle of a street organ!

Later still, went back to same spot, where expensive street organ, belonging to Sally Army, was being packed up, and found statue of one Mr Brown, philosopher. Strained to read inscription (and promptly forgot it), and then chalked footprints from base of statue to door of McDonald's, then back to base of statue (with slightly larger prints). Was rather hampered, in the course of doing this by trendy schoolkids, who habitually gather there, dressed in black, etc, asking footling questions. As it was obvsioulsy art, I told them to get out of the way. As I got to the bin, a bunch of non-aligned (presumably) Christians, led by a local ex-freemason, began singing 'Cumbayah' or some near modern equivalent and clapping. Pity the art wasn't terribly original. John Cleese once painted luminous footprints from statue at his school to toilets and back again. Didn't feel like trying to indicate that! Even if Mickey D does mainly provide high class facilities of that nature for rebellious vegetarian types!

Added:

mm mm mmm!
can't wait
for that
CHOLERA!

beneath blocked drain.

Rain and traffic have since got all three 'installations'!

Guestbook is found at foot of page!

Happy New Year, everybody!

QED

8/8/2

Under the circumstances, considering what I wrote a day or so ago, I ought to post condolences to the Blair family. - Very sorry to hear the news! Had absolutely no idea. And was (and still am) completely unaware of which part of France the sprogs are in. To have posted that, knowingly, would have consituted a ghastly, and tasteless, joke, and would not be something I would advocate.

One never knows who might look. However, one can establish, if one's quick, who has done so. Got an entry in my 'Last 50 visitors' list indicating a parliamentary portal, the other day! (Click on site stats button, at foot of page, to find, and click 'Last 50' in menu panel to left - parliamentary entry dropped off the bottom, a while back). Can't say I expected royalty to provide me with material, either!

Merry Christmas, everybody!!!!

Please excuse tasteless private family joke!

AmDram outside, this morning as some pleb complaining vociferously, and at considerable length, outside Benefits Agency. Don't know how these plebs get past the palace guards! I'll probably have to step over her on the way home, later! Personally, I blame this sort of thing on the use of glass walls, which encourage the people behind them to take a 'yah boo sucks!' attitude to dealing with their customers. Ain't no harm gonna come to you!

Bought a solar plant turner, as, being not a pleb, I don't have the need to rise until late - sometimes the sun has completely disappeared by the time I get up. Geranium plant caught a case of caterpillars, the other day. No idea how, as I'm on the fourth floor! After plucking, leaf by leaf, for a while, concluded the only foolproof system was to prune right back to nothing. Nascent foliage is, cussidly, leaning to light. Sadly, blasted solar panel doesn't work, so will have to take back. I am beginning to lose track of the number of products I have had to take back, for one reason or another, lately. I think I may try to get a job with 'Which' magazine!

You can call me 'Lucky'!

Am waiting for a letter, in post, expaining NHS policy on caller ID blocking. Am also waiting for letter from Amstrad, explaining how necessary (or otherwise) caller ID is for the operation of an Amstrad Emailer Plus. This was cited as sole reason for NMHC refusing donation of an Amstrad emailer for use of patients on acute wards. Will post scans, as and when.

If there turns out to be a way round this, will offer same again, later. If not, am entirely confident that NHS will, itself, enter the 21st century, and grant patients the use of email, in the same way as many other people, as it currently does use of the phone, fax, and letters.

Perhaps three weeks was a slight underestimate. Four, perhaps?

Mind you, Norfolk & Norwich hospital has (or had) a problem with simple telephones, so perhaps that might be too much to ask. Obviously does't affect star ratings. And, clearly, not the sort of thing that would prevent award of glorious (and profitable) third star. NMHC only got one star, anyway, so it probably doesn't care. NORCI got ?150,000 for a computing centre, and totally failed to offer working email to its clients for several months - may still be the case!

Luddites!

Spect the patients will, in any case, be able to get Section 17 leave to go to the library to email the necessary people. - Mainly for those non-essential things, like benefits, housing, Mental Health Review Tribunals, etc.

Did I ever make it clear that the reason people get stuck in there for so long is the bed-blocking activities of the City Council, which is so inefficient it can't, or won't, find housing for people? The only reason I went into a hostel, and was there for five months, was that City Hall said no house was available. ?50,000 per bed per year, it costs to keep people in there! And, while I hated it, and consider myself to have accrued zero benefit from the experience, there are actually people that want to go in there, so that they don't top themselves! Rather thought provision of an emailer, thereby cutting number of useless calls, might speed things up! Watch this space! Even if it only gets a person out two days earlier, it might save a life! And, at about ?100 or so per day, could pay for itself in the course of an afternoon!

It's easy to play the numbers game, I suppose...

3/8/2

Link to Symon Price's online anti-psychiatry chat transcription: www.btinternet.com/~symonprice/chatroom.html. It's down the page a little way.

Crash at Lowestoft airshow, yesterday. Pilot ejected safely when curtseying at 50ft and power failed! Currently possible to see pics, story, at EDP web site: www.edp24.co.uk. Specific link is: http://www.edp24.co.uk/content/news/newsStory.asp?Brand=EDPONLINE&Category=NEWS&ItemId=NOED02+Aug+2002+16%3A28%3A58%3A453. But am not sure this will a) work at all; or b) be there for very long. Will remove this link, later.

In the mundane world, a shelf fell of the wall in the Norwich Library, yesterday. U-channel rail pulled out of wall by weight of books. Only six screws into wall. Consequently, entire wall of shelving cordoned off with hi-vis red and white tape, until examined and fixed. Reckon they should ask for their money back! It's brand new!

Last month's total bandwidth used: 222.66Mb, = 7.18Mb/day. This month, 8.81Mb/day, making 26.5Mb. Today, so far, 25.3Mb. No idea where it's all going!

2/8/2

Just quick note to say am not dead! Am merely tied up spending employment case money.

Bookcase from Argos had slot too small for drawer base. ?10 Black & Decker Workmate needed hole drilling out to get bolt through. Radiator had to be returned for replacement, as control panel smashed.

Am thoroughly sick and tired of having to return faulty goods. You can call me 'Lucky'!

Have got more data from NORCI, including letter from Dr Ian Gibson, MP, to Alan Holland, written immediately after last, and disastrous AGM, which reveals that Dr Gibson merely felt that the situation wasn't bad enough to merit his resigning his 'titular' role. Not quite sure what would have to happen for that to be the case, but there you go. Scan later.

Muddy waters

NORCI sunk to new all-time low of pettiness, with provision of promo video, in which I appear. Having trogged, yet again, to the postal depot, to pick up something that nobody bothered to ring for (wrote a letter for depot manager - expect reply, soon!), I eagerly revved up my vid. Imagine my disappointment to see about 1.5 seconds of footage, including my head, arm, almost the whole of me (at one point) and a surround of smudges. Do you know what they had done? They had actually gone to the trouble of getting somebody to 'muddy' the footage surrounding me, and had clipped everything else out. I've no idea what they thought I was going to do with the thing. As I understand it, they may, just, be within the letter of the law, as I may only be entitled to that data that relates to me. However, considering the probable use - ie: complaining about them using me to promote themselves as a beacon of shininess, I think I may, yet, be able to make a good case to the Information Commissioner that I ought to be entitled to the remaining data within individual frames, purely for contextual purposes - in order that I may 'understand' the data. Personally, I think this is a perfectly sensible use of the taxpayer's money, and exactly the sort of behaviour one should expect from a charity charged with looking after people's mental health. Quite why they felt unable to part with the whole video, which would have taken them about 10 seconds to put into the post, and cost about 80p, I don't know. Presumably they just like the idea of squandering time and resources on somebody else's video editing suite? Well - there you go - I'm about to give them the opportunity to do it again!

Am making daring bid to force change in the communications rights of psychiatric patients! - More later! Expect complete decommissioning of entire psychiatric empire within the next three weeks.

This, however, it can safely be revealed, involved a visit to the premises of Hellesdon Hospital. I can confirm, without doubt, that the ship is, indeed, unhappy! I rather think one or two staff are proposing supplying the chief exec with some glue and cut-out stars, by way of leaden hint.

Scandal!

Visit reveals that some staff have lost jobs at NMHC for accessing 'inappropriate material' on the internet!

Wensum Workshops (NMHC in-house rehab) currently labouring under belief that it will become 'social firm', possibly relocated to centre of city. Suggestion was that it only had another two years left. However, it was made clear that the only reason for this labour was that nobody was telling them what they were really planning to do! Am expecting Farm Group to produce good crop of mushrooms, this year - quite possibly, if rumours have any foundation, growing in places that might reasonably be expected to be sterile.

Lloyd Grossman's bean sandwiches suck, apparently.

Shop has moved, and, miracle of miracles, a newspaper was available. As was a toothbrush. There was one newspaper on the shelf, and one toothbrush. At least you don't have to take your life in your hands trying to cross the busy road to get the paper, while zonked out of your mind!

No sign of promised ?250+ prize. Had rather hoped that the package that turned out to be from NORCI might be it. Sadly, not. Will, therefore, be paying a visit to the DTI web site to explore its new campaign against rogue competition runners. As flat becomes tidier, with new storage boxes, bookcase, files, etc, it is possible that certificate of posting will surface, by process of natural archaeology, and will be able to confront 'villains' of the piece.

Apologies for not posting link to Ritalin chat, was too busy. Symon Price, who was running it, will be posting a transcript, at some stage. He should be getting a link to me. Meantime, there is a link to his site on my links page.

Muddy waters II

Have bought a copy of the Koran, for the purpose of comparing demons. Quite fun! This clarifies that djinn (and djinee - excuse possible confusion - haven't established whether this is pluralisation or feminisation) are open to the same fate as men (and women) - ie: going to heaven or hell. Unlike, presumably, angels and demons, which are in one place or another. Also, it refers to 'a demon among the djinn' in one place, suggesting more differentiation, again.

The Koran is interesting in its structure. According to the translator, it puts the longest chapters first. Obviously dealing with the more insane parts first! Curiously, the chapter entitled 'Man' right towards the end, and very short. 'Women' is much earlier in the book. There's also one called 'Men', which duplicity confuses things.

It also looks like it'll be a lot more interesting to read than the bible. It's sort of structured by subject, rather than by period or author. However, the style is rather wandering, and the body copy appears to bear little relation, in some cases, to the title of the chapter. - These are just first impressions, you understand!

No word, yet, on my ?10m bid for my new palace and place of worship - probably some minor queries regarding the detail. Still, I got the bid in on time, and expect they will iron out footling details with me at a later stage. Some people just don't understand how to handle deadlines! What you do is ignore them, and protest innocence later. Some have said that this sort of gamesmanship is unfair on the less experienced bidders, and not the way to run a county's budget. However, these people never get any money, so they don't count.

Am expecting some info breaking down religion and ethnicity with publication of census. This is due to start very soon, with further releases in December and Spring. Am hoping this will show, numerically, how much buck per bang the various religions are getting (or what sort of funding per follower). Personally, I suspect it is time to usurp church property and turn it into national monuments run for more profitable tourism purposes, there being a greater number of atheists than any other religion, and the religious sets having disowned the larger part (or very nearly) of their credo. I suppose I could just sit outside the cathedrals (we have C of E and Catholic, here) and do a head count, of a Sunday. And then, maybe, do the same outside B&Q, Do It All, etc.

Wonder where Tony Blair will be going for his summer holiday, this year? 'We go to Tuscany for the olive oil!'

Or am I wrong in thinking that Christians all deny demons? But not the Devil. Yet. - Yessirree! Get your ticket to the Kingdom of Heaven, here! Places guaranteed! Places sitting next to St Peter always available, but slightly dearer. And, by the way, we need a new roof, please, if it's not too much to ask! It's not the lead people have stolen, it's the gold!

Or perhaps the Blairs would favour a trip to the Champagne region, for its particularly brand of Christianity?

Trebles all round, I think!

Expect complete decommissioning of the Roman Catholic empire within three weeks. And the same of the remainder of the Christian empire, too!

Am seriously considering producing a table that will allow you to compare the relative merits of signing up to any given religion, a la Cosmo. Might even list expected financial, employment, and similar secular benefits, while on Earth. And, naturally, it would have to include the downsides - cold churches, demons, social restrictions (no booze, etc), holy olive oil down the trousers. Comparative punishments for failure to adhere (money for new church roof, new schools, etc). Suppose I could add science, too, viz: 'Failure to adhere: car skids off bridge into river, when driven too fast on icy road.' Failure to adhere II: no more money for brain scanners, or other techniques that reveal just what chemicals a brain is short or long on, and where they might have come from, or gone to, and why!

26/7/2

100,000!

Official word count, for this site, today, 100,120 words, according to my search engine spider (prior to adding this paragraph): www.whatuseek.com. Stratospheric! Ave bandwidth used, per day, this month, 8.33Mb. Total b/w used this month, 216.78Mb. Today, so far (UK time, 2.12pm), 25Mb. Am feeling justifiably proud to be considerable net contributor to internet!

Have received word of an online discussion about Ritalin, the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder drug, that is to take place next Tuesday, from 8pm. Am seeking permission to publicise the address, at present. Anyone interested can email me. Anyone interested can also go to the following web site: www.wildestcolts.com, which is an anti-biomedical industry web site that includes material on ADHD and psychiatry in general run by a doctor from Texas.

Norfolk Police managed to lose a police car, yesterday! Left the keys in, while they went to deal with something, and came back to find it gone.

Have been to station, this morning, with business proposition. Two key rings on coily plastic strings, one each for each officer involved, with key fob bearing the words:

This crime prevention
intiative is sponsored by
www.jeremyjones.0catch.com
Making Norfolk key fobs

and suggested that they might like to display one of my business cards in the window of the squad car. Assured them that I would not expect them, in any way, to be swayed by such a munificent gift.

They declined. I left. I remembered something. I returned. And told them that someone had stolen another ashtray from my corridor, making a total of 41 missing. I happily held my hands up to it, however, and said that, when the police officers had visited me about it, they had told me, quite clearly, that it was foolish of me to leave something where it could, so easily, be stolen, and that it had been very foolish of me to ignore such sensible advice, and that the theft was, quite clearly, my fault. Asked the officer whether I couldn't tempt her to a key fob. Declined. Left.

Anyone want a couple of official Norfolk Police squad car key reminder key rings? Will post one each to first two emails requesting.

:)

By the way, does anyone out there know what has to happen in order for this country to get a new House of the monarchy (eg: Tudor, Windsor, Saxe-Coburg Goethe). Just curious to know how this comes about - or how we got the current one, for instance. Willy, Willy, Harry, Ste', Harry, Dick, John, something, something...not sure it ryhmes much, by the time you get to Liz 'Two'.

Have been hunting the music and lyrics to the haunting tune played on the record player on the ward in 'One flew over the cuckoo's nest', since I heard the same tune used in a WWII war movie, in which the same song was being sung to provide cover while planning escapes, etc. Was curious to know what the lyrics might be, and how it could find its way into two such disparate films. Heard it, again, a week or two back, in a Snoopy cartoon, where one character described it as 'Charmaine', put it on, and they all danced to it and fell about laughing. So, was even more curious. I think I've found it. Tried ordering a copy, but it's out of print. If I'm right, it's called 'Charmaine!', and was written by Erno Rapee and Lew Pollack, in 1927, Publ: Sherman, Clay & Co. Here's a site that has some lyrics for it: www.thepeaches.com/music.com/music/frank/Charmaine.txt. Can't seem to get it to scan, in my mind, so am not sure I've found the right one. Anyone able to help? Will try local music shop Prelude Records, for recordings.

25/7/2

Duly donated fat analyser to NMHC NHS Trust last night. Place has changed somewhat, since I was last there. Now has a shop, which sells newspapers (had to cross road to garage before - no pedestrian crossing - ideal for those on psychoactive medicine!). Usual corridor blocked by works, so let myself in, via the laundry door, to Ward 12. This is now a rehab ward, not an acute ward. Left analyser with them, anyway. Am sincerely hoping that this marks the start of a march on NORCI's rehab offerings, and that the company will perish, horribly, withering in the face of actual competition. Ward 12 acute, has, apparently, been 'redistributed' among wards of lower plateau. In other words, it's been closed. Now, less acute beds.

Norfolk Mental Health Care NHS Trust has achieved a massive one star in NHS performance review. Chief exec, Ms Pat Holman, on radio, this morning, managed, merely, to sound trite and naive. Still, better than the soft soap of some other execs that had been rounded up. Overall, mental health trusts appear to be underperforming, compared to general trusts, with fewer achieving higher star ratings. Check out tables at: http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-files/Society/documents/2002/07/24/nhsratings.pdf for DOH PDF document - see the 39th page of the document (page number 33, as it is numbered in the document itself) for NHMC. Or, get an Excel spreadsheet from the DOH, at: www.doh.gov.uk/performanceratings/2002/summary_prtable.xls See Row 78 of the MH sheet for NMHC.

These tables indicate considerable staff dissatisfaction (1 out of 5), and sickness absence rates. And, got a 2 for preventing suicides, CPA, and junior doctors' hours. Not a happy ship!

Personally, after what I saw, while I was there, I am surprised it got a star at all!

Am very surprised by 5 rating for information governance, after it took so long to get data out of it. Similarly, that it passed cleanliness check - after seeing blood on walls for several days, used sanitary towels left lying around, food left on floor all day, slops buckets on food trollies, etc.

Went to have a chat with the remains of the former Ward 12, Acute. Found a familiar face, said 'hello!', mentioned the NORCI settlement, and told them that, if it was more appropriate, they could fight Ward 12 for the donation, later.

24/7/2

Here's some more Social Services data on me. It indicates just who was making the running in the build-up to my being Sectioned, in 1999. Soc Servs Contacts diary (670kb, 37 pages of A4). Wish they'd check their facts! And I'd consider it to be 'long, varied, and detailed', too!

Thought I'd just post this before proceeding with Request for Analysis from Information Commissioner, re: City & County, which is now outside 40 working days.

Found a body fat analyser in Maplin, for ?10. Have bought one for myself, to keep tabs on things, and one for Hellesdon Hospital - for it to keep tabs on things - weight gain is the most common side-effect of psyhchoactive drugs. Unfortunately, this may well require them to actually weigh their patients, if they wish to use it. This could a) be a strain on the nurses (who never seemed to weigh anybody, while I was there) and b) entertaining if someone who isn't who they claim to be should turn up, there. No idea how what percentage of body fat Chris Wheal's 'wife' has, but would be prepared to bet it's pretty variable. Nothing personal. Just measured my own fat content. Assumed weight of 74kg. Height 181cm, age 37. I am, apparently, 21.0% fat. Analyser rated this 2 on scale of 5 (low to high) - am 'healthy'. Will have to try this at different times of day, as it varies: morning; noon; evening; and maybe after a bath or a meal!

Wonder if it'll ever be a crime to personate a journalist's wife? Probably not! Probably only important to this country that no-one personates an estate agent, customs officer or police officer! Doctors are clearly a separate case - they (or people pretending to be them) can have whomever they like locked up whenever they like without a trial, and, as such, do not enter the equation.

Another busy day, today, in terms of bandwidth used, so far, according to 0catch:

Hits/Page views: 19
Unique Visitors: 5
Bandwidth used: 25.51Mb!!!!! (812kb to 11 users, yesterday)

Pretty impressive draw from such a small number of users! Am expecting more, as result of today's soc servs data - am beginning to suspect data being syphoned by a class, somewhere!

Site content now just shy of 100,000 words, by about 600 words, according to spidering engine that produces search engine for me.

Completely bonkers!

23/7/2

Have found template for internal star globe that you can hold over your head, with holes punched in it, so that you can see what you would see (whereas external globe rather trickier to use, requiring a degree of visualisation - although has calculator, so indicates what when). Will need large quantities of card and glue to do (probably permanent spray mount, methinks), so will do some time later. Pic of internal star globe. May try to add 'equator' section(s) from Southern hemisphere to a slightly larger scale model, for full Norwich view (52N). From 'Make it Work, Space'; by David Glover; Publ: Two-Can/Watts, 1995; ISBN: 1-85434-318-1; Price: ?8.99 official, but ?1 from Poundland. Two-Can Publishing, 346, Old Street, London, EC1V 9NQ.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER

The escape ladder describe in the previous day's entry really is only intended for one use, as a last-ditch solution, in emergencies, and should NOT be used by people as a general purpose rope ladder, or plaything - even if it appears to work as such!

Other matters

Information Commissioner about to sit on NORCI. Letter from Information Commissioner.

May be time to review the case of City & County Estate Agents, whose 40 days may be up, by now (re: data).

Will try to get around to writing to new archbish of C to establish position on demons.

Had Princess Alexandra (Patron, Mind) here, in Norwich, on Sunday, visiting Cathedral (the pretty one) - probably just let herself in! Honestly! You'd think they owned the place!

Have applied to Council for funds for new personal palace and place of worship for new religion. Haven't set out the entirety of its agenda, yet. Bit complex. Particularly in regard to beliefs. Of any kind. But especially demons. But will definitely be very popular. And expensive. Put in initial bid for ?10m. Will happily make 'significant adjustment' later, if embezzlement/fraud etc during normal course of operation should occur. Am, therefore, about to put contract for all building operations out to tender - please email for application forms, tendering rules, advice on application procedure, etc. Employment opportunities will be posted in due course. Previous applicants need not reapply, as all such correspondence held over, and will be considered automatically. This is an equal opportunities employer, and personal beliefs will not be held against any applicant. Suggestions for official uniforms and logo gratefully recieved. Understand that a 'cross' is out, as taken by some other, competing agency.

22/7/2

Mick paid a visit to Norwich the other day. Have managed to find web site - even has a cute little animation of alleged police vehicle: Mondeopart (www.mondeopart.co.uk). Phone number, writ bold on tail and nose, is 01603 866 999.

Have made quick and dirty emergency escape ladder: How to make a cheap escape ladder (185kb).

Bought different grinder, for ?18 from Machine Mart www.machinemart.co.uk, which seems to work more happily - everything that should be sharp, now sharp, and one or two items that need not, too: Pic of new grinder.

Added toy fountain to sitting room, to produce cheerful gurgly noises and possiby humidify summer air. It leaks through the bottom, and splashes water everywhere. Motor also rather noisy - possibly very early wear. ?10 from Debenham. Fountainette. Sounds nice and gurgly, though!

Fingertips now sore on left hand, as bought ?45 guitar with which to murder some popular classics. Am expecting police to launch hunt for the person repsonsible for agonising death of nearby residents shortly. Bought Heriba (or some similar spelling) tuner pipes. Two dead, one out of tune. Took back to 'Music Room', which had duff till so had only issued business card, and which, in any case, refused to refund ?5. Placed alleged tuner on their doorstep and stamped on it three times. Asked for pan and brush. None forthcoming, so swept up into bag and binned it. The customer is always wrong.

Guitar keeps going out of tune after about one or two songs. Am beginning to suspect it has a better idea of how long I should be playing for th